On the same day, Elaine Stritch died and Disneyland turned 59. It was a pretty big year.
While it didn't present any kind of crazy mid (third? quarter?)-life crisis or feelings of impending doom and mortality, it definitely got me thinking about what kind of life I'd like to be living, building, etc.
The last few years of my twenties were a bit of a whirlwind. I made a lot of positive changes in my life (and lived through a few traumatizing things). I find that I can learn and adapt easily; I like doing things for myself, so learning to cook and clean and organize and build a real budget were, in a weird way, almost fun. But despite learning to cook more healthfully and efficiently, and giving up my twice-daily fast food habit in late September of 2011 (no, it was not easy admitting that and yes, I've been fast-food-free for over 3 years now!) I still have a strange and nebulous relationship with food.
I've been overweight throughout most of my adult life (excluding a VERY short period in college which I'll touch on below) and childhood. When I was 15 I was attending one of many theatre camps and was lamenting to my dad on the drive home, that I'd been cast as Lady Capulet (and not Juliet). I was tall, yes (and theatre directors love to hate on tall women) but there were some boys who'd been cast who were taller than I was, for once. Why was I always someone's mother?
"Because you're overweight, dear." My dad is a lovely, brilliant and talented human being, but he also has a tendency to speak in a straightforward (if somewhat theatrical) way, at the worst possible moments. That comment has stuck with me all this time (despite his multiple apologies/ retractions in the following years).
Being a theatre geek girl can be the extreme of happiness and pain when you're taller and larger than 99.9% of your male counterparts (and "non-traditional casting" is a complete myth). Some of the most outstanding and admirable directors and actors with whom I've been privileged to work, STILL have hang-ups about my size, sometimes even more than I do. In the summer of 2013 I played the mother of another actress almost 10 years my senior, who happened to be thin and blond and beautiful (and 2" shorter). My "granddaughter" was 17, only twelve years younger than I was.
Blargh.
Ok I'm starting to ramble (I tend to do that. Get used to it).
My sophomore year of college, a horrible boy broke my heart and it changed my relationship to both food and medicine, for the worse. A few months prior to that, a friend of mine back home had introduced me to the Atkins diet. He'd lost a bunch of weight and was feeling pretty awesome, so I gave it a try. I don't remember how long I followed the plan, but I lost about 30 lbs and my lowest weight was about 160. Not "skinny," but definitely not bad for a 5'8" 19-year-old who hadn't seen a size-10 pair of jeans since middle school. I was disciplined, I'd built good habits and I hardly even thought about the foods I COULDN'T have since I didn't want to break my streak of eating well and wearing clothes suited to someone my own age.
After things ended, messily, with the boy, I turned to Ben & Jerry's, to McDonald's, to Red Stripe (gag) and all sorts of other junk foods for comfort. In a few short years I'd undone whatever benefits I'd reaped from Atkins, made things far worse for myself, and was just shy of 300 lbs (also not easy to admit). Couple that with several deaths of loved ones, a falling out-cum-estrangement with another, a few big moves of house, two (2) layoffs, and crippling debt and bankruptcy, and I was just in a horrible place physically and emotionally.
In late 2011 and 2012, I forced myself onto the right track. I lost over 50 lbs. I stopped taking oral antidepressants and admittedly-addictive sleeping pills. I gave up the fast food cycle that had long filled the backseat of my car with wrappers and other garbage. Oh, and in April of 2013 I paid off my car. Soon my student loan will be paid off and I'll be debt-free. That concept was so ridiculous and unlikely a few years ago that I probably would have laughed if you'd told me then.
But, 2013 and 2014 weren't great for weight loss. For other things, definitely. But about half the weight I'd taken off in 2012 crept back on, which pissed me off and demotivated me. Not good.
In general I eat pretty healthfully, and in the past few weeks I've definitely been better about preparing nutritious meals and not having treats (which are in abundance at home and work). But I haven't exercised regularly in a monkey's age, and I'm not on a specific eating plan, which bugs me a bit.
SO.
I learned what a Whole30 was fairly recently. I don't eat "paleo" style but their way of eating is similar to my own (lower carbohydrates, more whole and unprocessed healthy food). A Whole30 is, basically, taking 30 days to eat very cleanly, and to refrain from consuming grains, legumes, dairy, alcohol and sugars for that whole month. Many people have reported feeling much healthier and happier after a month of eating this way, and several attest that it's cured or alleviated some specific health issues (e.g. acne, high blood pressure, join pain, etc.)
Of those things in the "refrain" category, the hardest thing for me would probably be losing the dairy. I eat a lot of yogurt and cheese, I put heavy cream in my coffee, and butter's one of my favorite foods. HOWEVER...this definitely does not sound impossible. Even if my brain and body reject the concept of 30 cheeseless days, it's only 30 days. If I want a piece of cheese at the end of it, I'll try some and see how it feels and how it tastes.
My goals for my own Whole30 Adventure are as follows:
- To identify any food sensitivities I may have, which have negatively impacted my health and/or weight. I'm not allergic to anything as far as I know, but I look and feel my best when I'm following a lower-carb eating regimen. It may be that I'm sensitive to things other than grains and sugar, and this seems like a (relatively) painless way to find out and potentially really help in the long run.
- To lose some weight and improve my skin/ hair/ nails. I know this isn't a "diet" or a weight-loss regimen (and the creators state and restate this many times on their website!) but I fully admit I'm hoping to see some physical results at the end of the month. That would make it MUCH easier to make dietary changes long-term. (Important note: because I tend to lose a lot of "water weight" in the beginning of any eating plan, I intend to eat healthfully and low-carb, Atkins-style, until the beginning of my Whole30. This way any initial water weight will be gone by the time I remove dairy and legumes and sweeteners from my diet, and I'll have a more accurate impression of the effects of the Whole30 rather than "wow, I can't believe I lost weight after I didn't eat donuts and whiskey every day!")
- To give myself a realistic timeframe, and a reference point for future health projects. 30 days seems like a long time, but now that I'm older (snort) it doesn't seem long at all. If I can complete 30 days of clean wholesome eating, then whether or not I see results in the mirror I can be proud of that accomplishment and be motivated to try harder challenges in the future. Showing myself it's possible is important to me.
That's about it, really. I'm unsure about when to start and I need to continue my research on the general way of eating before diving in, but I'm excited. Either after Christmas, or after our January trip to Disneyland, I'm setting off on this adventure. And for accountability purposes (and because I've seriously missed blogging since OpenDiary shut down) I'll be putting my experience up here, for all to read, should they care to.
If you've no idea what I'm talking about, check out the Whole9 website for a ton of helpful (free!) info on the Whole30 program and their way of eating/ living in general: http://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/
Have you done a Whole30? Got any tips for a beginner?
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