In the five days I was off-plan for my birthday, if the scale is to be believed, I gained 10 lbs and several inches (basically, everything I'd lost in 2.5 months of self-deprivation. In five days.) Sometimes I feel like my body is a separate being, with a sick and twisted villainous fucking desire to see me fail. I try very hard to love it, but sometimes I'm like "maybe love be back, motherfucker?"...
On Friday evening (the 14th), some members of the cast went to Jake's (an awesome pizza joint) to hang out and eat junk food. While I sipped my Crispin honey cider and waited on my pepperoni pizza, I chatted with Ron and Barb (the actors playing Mycroft Holmes and Mrs. Hudson, respectively) and being prompted I told them a little about Whole30 and the restrictions it placed on my normal way of eating. Ron mentioned that those kinds of diets worried him; he believes that if you completely cut out an element of food, that you can actually develop an intolerance to it. That your body can "forget" how to process it. That idea fascinated me, and I'd already noticed that my alcohol tolerance has gone waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy down given that I now drink so infrequently.
Perhaps it was psychosomatic because his words struck a chord with me, or maybe he was 100% correct - because in the past five days it seemed like every "treat" food I ate made me feel sick. Even though I was (by my own standards) pretty restrained, I felt as though I'd spent twelve hours binge-drinking (after having two small whiskey cocktails) or eaten an entire wedding cake (after eating three homemade chocolate chip cookies.) It seemed like dairy was the worst for me, stomach-wise, but honestly the alcohol felt like poison within a few minutes of consuming it.
On the one hand, I suppose this could be a good thing. My body doesn't "want" foods that are potentially bad for me (even though my brain and my mouth certainly do). On the other hand, I can't help feeling a bit cheated. I trained myself to eat wholesome nutritious foods the vast majority of the time, and in return I can no longer physically enjoy a treat when I allow myself the indulgence. What the fuck?
I have been stressed out with rehearsals and work lately. I couldn't drag myself out of bed this morning to work out (next week I have my evenings off from rehearsals, which will make it easier to exercise. I just...yeah I'm in no fucking mood to do anything lately.) I'm glad to be back on-plan, and I batch-cooked a bunch of basic Whole60 meals yesterday so I could be prepared. Today's lunch and dinner is curried cream of broccoli soup and spaghetti squash with spicy sauce.
Part of this frustration is likely sugar withdrawal. But some of it, I think, is genuine disappointment. The catch to "succeeding" at a plan like this means never going back on it, even for a day or two. If five days of relaxing can reverse the results of SEVENTY-FIVE DAYS of diligence? Fucking hell, dude.
And so begins another two months.
Wednesday, July 19, 2017
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Eaten Alive (Whole75, Day 74)
I know I say this every time. I suck at updating this thing. I'm sorry.
Tomorrow I'll have completed 75 days on the eating plan, and I'll have five glorious days off to eat whatever (and celebrate my 33rd birthday). Then Whole60 begins on Wednesday the 19th.
I don't know if any actual weight has come off during this long stretch because (and I'm ashamed to say this) I haven't exercised. Like, at all. For the past two and a half months. FML. I've re-downloaded the 5K to 10K app on my phone and I'll begin it on Wednesday when I kick off Whole60. I need to be real about training again, since I signed up for another Half Marathon in February (as well as a 10K...the Fairy Tale Challenge at Disney World...holy cats what was I thinking...)
Sherlock Holmes rehearsals have been moving quickly and we're already at the park (this Thursday is our designer runthru, and we open on August 4th). I'm really enjoying this play and I'm proud of the work I'm doing onstage. I think the production will turn out pretty well...and to be honest my own part is pretty low-stress on this one. I'm getting some really excellent insightful help on both my acting and my dialect work, for which I'm really grateful. The one nasty thing is, as always, the vicious parasites that haunt the park. I douse myself in bug repellent and have taken to wearing bug bracelets on my wrists and ankles, and that helps, but I still have a few really painful and itchy bites which I sport from the last couple of weeks of rehearsals. Ugh.
I bought new character shoes for the role (I didn't have any tan-colored ones, just my trusty black ones I've had since high school.) I'm really glad I didn't spend too much, though...already they're pretty much destroyed. Sanborn Park eats shoes hahaha...I learned that last summer when I purchased my new Doc Martens for Julius Caesar. Lucky for me, Docs are incredibly sturdy and easy to clean and care for. But MAN did they get dusty and dirty and scuffed.
I've been wearing characters shoes and a rehearsal skirt for all of our rehearsals, and only recently busted out the high-quality tights (prior to that I was just using the nylon knee-high granny stockings TRY TO CONTAIN YOURSELVES GENTLEMEN I KNOW IT'S A VERY SEXY IMAGE). Man I'd forgotten how much of a difference shapewear can make. It's also a real wake-up that I need to get serious about exercise again. And I'm sure it'll make me feel better overall, brain, heart, and body-wise.
It's really, really strange for me to be playing a "pretty" character. As stupid as this sounds, I have a nagging feeling that people are going to laugh. Or worse, that they're going to view my casting as a weird act of charity or goodwill on the part of the company. ...I know it's stupid. It won't stop nagging, though.
Speaking of which, CTC is officially closing (I heard a couple of months ago but they just confirmed it today). I feel truly awful for a few specific people, and very sad that the Conservatory program is ending because those were some of the best times of my childhood, growing up as a theatre kid.
In other news, I received an offer for The Laramie Project which is going up early next year, at a company where I've never worked before. I'm excited and a little overwhelmed, particularly because I still don't know which part(s) I'll be reading. I'm hoping very much for Reggie Fluty, but I'll be glad to play any role in it.
I campaigned hard to get into the reading room for Merchant of Venice at a very difficult to get into (read: hermetically-sealed) company in SJ...but haven't heard back so I think I may need to cut that heartstring loose. I heard from a few people that they were building their casts all at once, and very far in advance (it's becoming much more common to do so), so I think it's probably concluded by now. Ah well. Onwards and upwards I guess.
I feel all scrambled and in pieces. But I'm trying. And I'll continue to try.
Spaghetti squash for lunch today and spicy chicken for dinner. Batch-cooking is my friend. But you bet your ass I'm making chocolate chip cookies this weekend.
Tomorrow I'll have completed 75 days on the eating plan, and I'll have five glorious days off to eat whatever (and celebrate my 33rd birthday). Then Whole60 begins on Wednesday the 19th.
I don't know if any actual weight has come off during this long stretch because (and I'm ashamed to say this) I haven't exercised. Like, at all. For the past two and a half months. FML. I've re-downloaded the 5K to 10K app on my phone and I'll begin it on Wednesday when I kick off Whole60. I need to be real about training again, since I signed up for another Half Marathon in February (as well as a 10K...the Fairy Tale Challenge at Disney World...holy cats what was I thinking...)
Sherlock Holmes rehearsals have been moving quickly and we're already at the park (this Thursday is our designer runthru, and we open on August 4th). I'm really enjoying this play and I'm proud of the work I'm doing onstage. I think the production will turn out pretty well...and to be honest my own part is pretty low-stress on this one. I'm getting some really excellent insightful help on both my acting and my dialect work, for which I'm really grateful. The one nasty thing is, as always, the vicious parasites that haunt the park. I douse myself in bug repellent and have taken to wearing bug bracelets on my wrists and ankles, and that helps, but I still have a few really painful and itchy bites which I sport from the last couple of weeks of rehearsals. Ugh.
I bought new character shoes for the role (I didn't have any tan-colored ones, just my trusty black ones I've had since high school.) I'm really glad I didn't spend too much, though...already they're pretty much destroyed. Sanborn Park eats shoes hahaha...I learned that last summer when I purchased my new Doc Martens for Julius Caesar. Lucky for me, Docs are incredibly sturdy and easy to clean and care for. But MAN did they get dusty and dirty and scuffed.
I've been wearing characters shoes and a rehearsal skirt for all of our rehearsals, and only recently busted out the high-quality tights (prior to that I was just using the nylon knee-high granny stockings TRY TO CONTAIN YOURSELVES GENTLEMEN I KNOW IT'S A VERY SEXY IMAGE). Man I'd forgotten how much of a difference shapewear can make. It's also a real wake-up that I need to get serious about exercise again. And I'm sure it'll make me feel better overall, brain, heart, and body-wise.
It's really, really strange for me to be playing a "pretty" character. As stupid as this sounds, I have a nagging feeling that people are going to laugh. Or worse, that they're going to view my casting as a weird act of charity or goodwill on the part of the company. ...I know it's stupid. It won't stop nagging, though.
Speaking of which, CTC is officially closing (I heard a couple of months ago but they just confirmed it today). I feel truly awful for a few specific people, and very sad that the Conservatory program is ending because those were some of the best times of my childhood, growing up as a theatre kid.
In other news, I received an offer for The Laramie Project which is going up early next year, at a company where I've never worked before. I'm excited and a little overwhelmed, particularly because I still don't know which part(s) I'll be reading. I'm hoping very much for Reggie Fluty, but I'll be glad to play any role in it.
I campaigned hard to get into the reading room for Merchant of Venice at a very difficult to get into (read: hermetically-sealed) company in SJ...but haven't heard back so I think I may need to cut that heartstring loose. I heard from a few people that they were building their casts all at once, and very far in advance (it's becoming much more common to do so), so I think it's probably concluded by now. Ah well. Onwards and upwards I guess.
I feel all scrambled and in pieces. But I'm trying. And I'll continue to try.
Spaghetti squash for lunch today and spicy chicken for dinner. Batch-cooking is my friend. But you bet your ass I'm making chocolate chip cookies this weekend.
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