The New Year is Almost Here

It's had its ups, and its downs. I'm ready to bid 2015 adieu. Just a few more days until 2016 begins!

Also, happy Man Bun Monday, Jen! ;-)

Closing A Christmas Carol was bittersweet for me. While I really did miss everyone from the 2014 cast, and I can't match the magic or the melancholy from last year, the 2015 production was really fun and wonderful. I loved playing the Ghost of Christmas Present, and I loved making some new friends. I hope they'll have me back next year.

Sigh. I love this set.
I wish we had the production photos, but alas we probably won't see them until they start marketing for next Christmas.

I've eaten. So. Much. Junk. These last few days. I'm actually looking forward to eating healthfully again, so I won't feel like such a fat slug. Don't get me wrong, the holiday food is delicious and I enjoy it (and I feel like I definitely earned it!) but yeah. Definitely food hangover-y.

I need to re-evaluate my goals for the next WholeSomething. Since I didn't meet my goal for the Whole75 (25 lbs) it would be odd to anticipate meeting my next goal for Whole50 (an additional 5 lbs, which subtracting the 11 lbs I actually lost would mean losing 19 lbs in 50 days. For a normal person this may sound plausible, but for me it's pretty ridiculous.) I still can't believe I only lost 11 lbs after all that. I very much hope that was 11 lbs of PURE UNADULTERATED FAT, and that it's never coming back. Ever.

Stupid dumb numbers. Bah humbug. :-(

Anyway, I ran my very first 5K the day after Christmas! I posted about it on Facebook, and to my surprise it got WAY MORE ATTENTION than the fact that I'd lost over 100 lbs. I don't know if the way things display on FB (not chronological, not quite logical) had anything to do with it, or if people are just more excited about The Color Run than a big weight loss milestone, but people were very encouraging and kind and seemed to like my big dorky smile wearing my medal.

I ran the whole thing! Not very fast, but I ran!

I downloaded the companion app, 5K to 10K, to my phone and will begin training with that soon. If nothing else, and even if I don't end up able to run an entire 10K, it'll be better for weight loss than just doing NOTHING.

Also I'm considering imposing additional food restrictions (nothing crazy!!) on this next WholeSomething. Like, avoiding white potatoes and sweet potatoes, limiting fruit to just at breakfast...basically lowering my overall sugar intake, not because those foods are unhealthy but because I tend to lose more weight when I avoid starches and extra sugar. I was able to lose (...some) weight while eating starchy vegetables and sugary fruits, so perhaps it'll accelerate it a bit more if I focus on vegetables with lower overall carbohydrates, and am more choosy with fruits. 

Meat I'm fine with. I'm great with eating meat. Hooray for chicken and beef and such.

Oh and ham. SO MUCH HAM this Christmas. Of course the way it's prepared, it's probably loaded with sugar, but yeah...we had a lot of ham. Heh. I think I'll be ok sticking to chicken for a couple of months.

What else. I'm not sure what else, but when I think of it I'll let you know. Technically the Whole50 will begin on January 1st but I'm hoping to get back on track with clean eating early, this week, so I'm not falling over in a food coma on Day One.

Centurion.

Well, I didn't lose 25 lbs on the Whole75 like I'd hoped to. I lost 11.

...actually, since I didn't weigh myself on Day 1 and was going from the last Day +1 results, I may very well have lost 25 lbs and just not known it. I'm a little bummed that running every day and eating so clean for 2 and a half months didn't net me an average of 10 lbs per month.

But honestly that doesn't matter too much, because...

As of this morning I've lost 101 pounds.

I've lost over 100 pounds.

There is still a long way to go, but I'm going to celebrate this milestone and have an awesome Christmas. I hope your holidays are tremendous.

Lots of love.

This comparison website only goes up to 100 lbs, so I have to divide it up.

There we go. A horse and a Guinea pig. WUT WUT.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an unhealthy delicious breakfast to imbibe.

It's Almost Over (Whole75, Day 75)

I made cookie dough for my grandma's Christmas cookies today. I think it's the first time I've made cookie dough and not licked the batter, once. It's strange. Tonight or tomorrow I'll bake them, then frost them and put the sprinkles on.

I also didn't eat any cookies (or drink any cocktails) at the Cookies & Cocktails party we attended last night. Also strange. Food is an even more political thing than I'd thought.

Shortening, white flour, sugar, etc..... most definitely not Whole30-friendly. But quite Christmasy.

It was kind of nice only having to work for a few hours today! I mailed off my final package (to my aunt), got some chores done, and I'll go for a run in the park in a little while.

Tomorrow I have a Christmas Carol matinee, then we have the whole day off for Christmas! Also tomorrow: weights and measures. Fingers are crossed that some serious progress was made. Please, please.

Regardless: it'll be nice to indulge in some sugar and booze to celebrate the holiday. I'm trying very hard not to make myself sick with worry.

The Power of Three (Whole75, Day 73)

Three more days. (Including today.)

And today I ran (jogged) for thirty straight minutes. I just need to do that two more times (Wednesday and Friday, which is actually Christmas, but that's ok) and I will have completed the Couch to 5K program. Then, the day after Christmas, I'll actually run my first 5K (a "virtual 5K" with some friends.)

I'm also hoping to be in triple digits in terms of weight loss when I check on the morning of the 24th. Here's hoping. The goal for this Whole75 was to reach a 115-lb loss. I think learning to run has absolutely, positively helped with the weight loss.

I wore the next-size-smaller jeans this weekend. They are 12 sizes smaller than my old (starting weight) jeans. And they fit and are comfortable, even though they're snug around my butt and thighs (the next size up is really baggy...I don't know why there's not a size in between the two but I'm trying to be braver and more positive about wearing clothes that actually fit.)

With the accelerated weight loss over the last couple of months, my skin has become more ...of an issue. I'll be keeping an eye on it and considering my options in the coming year (although hopefully it'll catch up with the weight loss and save me a huge surgery bill).

And on Saturday I got remeasured for a bra. I've gone down another band size and *almost* another cup size.

Part of me is excited to see my results in weight and measurements on the 24th. But most of me is terrified. And the rest of me is desperately craving chocolate, hot wings and a massive cocktail.

Did I mention I ran for 30 minutes today? It was torture but I'm pretty proud of myself.

Another First (Whole75, Day 69)

The other night at rehearsal, an actress and director with whom I've worked several times didn't recognize me. It hasn't even been that long since I last saw her (and we're friends on Facebook) so it was really strange and kind of funny.

Limelight has several projects going on at once, so our rehearsal for The MoMologues was booked after a rehearsal he was holding for a special event for a local philanthropy group. I walked in and saw a few people I recognized, including this lady, and smiled and waved at her. She smiled back at me but looked distracted (she was working, obviously.) So I watched their readings and hung out while they got notes and chatted with Kev afterwards. A few others whom I hadn't seen in a while came up to hug me, including the couple I worked with on Weekend Comedy a couple of years ago (I did get a "where did Dana go?!?" which was sweet.) The actress I'd smiled and waved at was working on something at a table by herself, so I waited for her to pack up, then went in for a hug with my arms out to her...and noticed her vaguely terrified and nonplussed expression as I moved in.

There was an awkward pause, and then shock crossed her face and she yelled "Oh. My. GOD" and finally hugged me.

"Did you not know who I was?"
"No!!"
"...then why did you smile when I...were you just tolerantly smiling at the weird stranger waving at you from the audience?..."
"YES!"

This is the one-act play in which she directed me, in March 2011

Granted, I was also wearing my glasses, which are sort of new (when I worked with her I didn't have them.) But yeah, that's the first time anyone I know has straight-up not known it was me, up close. Kinda weird and wonderful.

She was very complimentary and that was another nice thing.

For reference, here is what I looked like in my last production of The MoMologues (in 2011) vs. what I look like now. The later photo was taken on the night I was mistaken for a transient who'd wandered in to wave at people. ;-)

The MoMologues 2011 (I'm in the center)

The MoMologues 2016 (I'm on the right)

I vainly posted the above 2 photos on my Facebook wall as a sneaky "throwback Thursday" way to show off the progress I'm making. It's slower than a tortoise on Qaaludes, but it's happening.

Incidentally, I realized I was telling myself these past few days to simultaneously "just keep swimming" and "just breathe." No wonder I felt like I was drowning. Heh.

Six more days.

Crogging, Scream-Breathing, and Other Forms of Anxiety (Whole75, Day 67)

I think something snapped in my brain shortly after I wrote my last entry a few days ago. I seriously considered writing another entry later that day, about the...episode I had, but ultimately decided against it.

I've let my anxiety and stress get the better of me too much these last few days weeks for a while now, and it's impacting my health (...and appearance) in a negative way.

I've kept up with the jogging program on my Couch to 5K app, and it's been getting more and more challenging every week. Last week it was 25-minute pops, this week it's 28 and next week, the final week, it's 30. Hopefully by the end of next week I'll be able to jog a 5K in 30 minutes...but to be honest that's pretty unlikely. In order to keep up the jogging motion and not switch to walking after 20-something minutes, when I feel like my body's going to flop into pieces on the trail around me and my lungs are going to implode, I tend to slow my pace down to an exaggerated Baywatch-looking run that I'm really glad people don't see. It's fairly ridiculous. (But I'm trying, dammit.)

Based on the stats logged in the app (which aren't perfect but use the phone's GPS navigation to track my workouts, which is helpful) I ran 2.53 miles yesterday during the 28-minute jogging section, with an average running pace of 11:04 minutes per mile. In order to run about 3.11 miles (5 kilometers) in 30 minutes, I would need a running pace of under 10 minutes per mile. I'm not sure I can get quite that good in a week and a half. And even the 11-minute mile feels like misery and self-pity for the last 12 minutes or so. And my breathing turns into cartoonish scream-huffs just trying to get air in and out.

Maybe I can figure out intervals of running faster/slower the way the program had me running and walking? I don't know. I'm thinking about investing in a Garmin or some kind of "running watch" that tracks your pace and distance, which might be more reliable than an app on the phone. Although in terms of making myself run for longer spaces of time, Couch to 5K has been invaluable. A year ago I probably couldn't run for 30 seconds, let alone run a mile. Now that I think about it, I don't know that I've *ever* been able to run a mile. Now I can run two and a half. That's kind of cool.

Anyway the running doesn't exactly help with the stress, but it does make me exhausted and sweaty enough that it distracts me from the ten million other things conspiring to go wrong during the day.

Here's the thing: it's important for me to be able to control things in my own life. The food I eat, my activities, my calendar, my budget, that kind of thing. I know there are a fuckton of things beyond my control, and I try hard to work alongside those things, but I feel better knowing what I'm responsible for and taking comfort in the fact that "at least" I know I can walk and run and work on my health.

The thing is, what with the aforementioned ten million things conspiring to go wrong, things that are within my control are trying hard to get out of my control. And that's when, I've discovered, my brain tends to go nuclear.

Example: after writing my most recent entry I got changed to go do my afternoon run. I didn't have a lot of clean clothes so I had to use an old pair of workout pants, which are now much too big. I have a little tub of safety pins I bring with me so I secured these stupid-looking things (or so I thought) with big cartoonish pins and headed out to the trail, where I turned on my music and the C25K app and began to jog.

Almost immediately I felt a stabbing pain in my hip; the second I started running (not during the walk, mind you), the safety pins had come unhinged.

They hadn't broken, they hadn't bent. They had literally unhinged as though a ghost hand had reached down and gone "NOPE," applied dextrous pressure and moved the pin part out of the catch. They had one job to do, and they failed, and my frazzled brain was CONVINCED they were doing it on purpose. I reiterate: safety pins.

I kept grabbing at my pants and trying to re-pin them as I ran (because if I stopped running I'd have to start the workout over), and it was fruitless. They wouldn't stay pinned. And then my phone fell out of my pocket and smacked on the ground and ripped the headphones out of my ears. And then my shoe came untied. And then and then and then...

I stopped and restarted that run three times. Finally when I was like "fuck it, the pants are just going to be really loose, I have to run, I HAVE TO," and they literally were falling down and were headed towards my knees, I stopped, turned off my phone, and burst into tears.

I had this ridiculous certainty in my heart that some invisible force was sabotaging me, taking the ONE THING within my control and fucking with it, so I couldn't run, ha ha, isn't it funny, you're going to be an obese fugly pachyderm failure forever, how cute that you're trying so hard, ha ha ha. And I could not talk myself out of that tree.

I said many curse words, very loudly, many times over, and was later extremely grateful that I was alone on the trail (I have not since seen any videos on YouTube featuring a crying weirdo having a mental breakdown on the Coyote Creek trail, so hopefully no one was hiding in the bushes watching me.)

Walking/ jogging back to the office while crying and saying "fuck you" to those stupid pants was the strangest experience. I later discovered that "crogging", or cry-jogging, is a very real thing and often trends on Twitter. So weird.

At my lunch break I drove to Ross and bought new workout pants (surrendering control of what size pants the store carried, which is either clown-pants-falling-down or HELLO-MR-CAMELTOE), found the least-offensive ones, drove back to the office, put them on, and completed that stupid 25-minute run. I was glad to have it finished, but still felt like I'd failed because of earlier.

Keep in mind: my pants being bigger is a GOOD thing. The whole reason I'm doing this stupid fitness thing is to lose this goddamn weight. I'm confounded that THAT was the catalyst for my brain going bye-bye.

Each day since I'm reminding myself to breathe, to be prepared, and to control what I can and work around what I can't. It's much, much harder than usual lately and I think it's just from overstimulation: craziness at work, performing in one show and rehearsing another, prepping for Christmas, everything.

Last night Panda and I got a Christmas tree (the first tree we've had since we moved into our apartment a few years ago.) He declared (for both of us) that we were going to have a stress-free evening "even if it fucking kills us," and he was right to do it. We had fun. And now we have a pretty tree, and the apartment is decorated, and we neither of us had a tantrum or an anxiety attack on the trip. He was seriously a lifesaver last night (yesterday was another harsh one at work.)

Eight more days. And I am having the biggest glass of whiskey you ever saw.

A (Very Late) Thanksgiving Rundown, and Crazy Life in General (Whole75, Day 61)

Two more weeks. Holy shit.

In other news, I completely suck at updating. There's been no spare time to do anything, even listen to audiobooks, between A Christmas Carol and the unholy circus of chaos that work has become and, now, the first few rehearsals of MoMologues...craziness. Anyway I'm really sorry I haven't posted.

Here's what our little Thanksgiving spread looked like:

Yay!

Clockwise from the duck, we have:

Simple baked mashed sweet potatoes (no chipotle peppers this year because the adobo sauce is questionable on Whole30, sorry my beloved Alton Brown!)

Crispy smashed potatoes with avocado garlic aioli (adapted for Whole30 and made with my homemade mayonnaise!)

Good Eats roasted turkey (adapted for Whole30 by omitting the brown sugar from the brine and swapping candied ginger for ground). This is hands-down the best turkey recipe ever...I've tried numerous ways over the years, and while Nom Nom Paleo's spatchcocking method looks awesome, I frankly like the look of the whole bird all trussed up and pretty on the table. The high heat at the beginning makes for yummy crispy skin, and the meat is so juicy and awesome.

Basic underturkey vegetables (purchased in bags and heated in the microwave because I am a fancy fancy lady)

Stovetop stuffing for Dave (not Whole30 so I didn't partake)

Curry roasted carrots (SO FREAKING GOOD)

We had lots of leftovers to last us the following week, and it was really nice to feast and relax and not stress out. The next day we had people over for "Slack Friday" and we watched movies and played cards for a while, which was great. Everyone brought leftovers (my friend Anthony brought a lot of beer and wine which I will definitely be enjoying this Christmas,) so our fridge has been nice and full since then!

My "smaller" jeans can now be removed without unbuttoning or zipping, which is kind of cool, but the next size down is just a squidge too tight so I've been wearing a lot of leggings and skirts...and safety pins...these last few weeks.

A Christmas Carol is going well. Opening weekend was well-received. I'm really looking forward to seeing the production stills taken by one of my favorite theatre photographers, Evelyn Huynh. This is the first time in a long time that I've felt confident and pretty in my costumes. (NOT that I didn't have nice costumes in the past!!! I've been fortunate enough to work with some incredible designers and dressers.) Especially for The Ghost of Christmas Present. I feel attractive in it. It's kind of a nice change.

The MoMologues just began rehearsals on Monday (we run late Jan-mid Feb) and I'm really excited about it. I did the show in the company's first season, when we were performing upstairs of a Spanish tapas restaurant, and it holds a lot of really fond memories for me.

And work...look, I love my day job but even the best jobs can be clownfuck insane sometimes. This is one of those times. My whole department is going to need a stiff drink when 2015 finally comes to a close.

I'm in the middle of Week 7 in my Couch to 5K! Running 25 minutes at a time, which is something I've never been able to do before. FitBit step goal has been reached every day so far, and I can absolutely do it for another 2 weeks. Some friends and I are thinking of doing a virtual Color Run at the end of the year.

I think that's it....gotta get back to the absolute craziness of life. Thanks for reading.

Two more weeks. O_O

One Month to Go (Whole75, Day 45)

It's strange to think that a Whole75 is two and a half months. For some reason that sounds like more than "75 days". Anyway, at a month and a half into this thing, I have 30 days to go. December 23rd, I'm coming for you.

Today's Couch to 5K workout wasn't too terrible. I was careful to jog and not get my speed up too much, so that the motion was sustainable for longer. I figure at this point, it's best to just get used to the rhythm of jogging for long periods of time, and then when that's doable I can work on building up my speed and distance. Perhaps this is the fundamental distance between jogging and running? I'm not sure.

I finally got new work pants. They're more form-fitting than I've worn in the past, which is a bit strange, but so far no one's looked at me in disgust or run screaming from my presence (that I know of), so I assume they're acceptable for this stage of my weight loss.

My mom wants me and Panda to have Thanksgiving dinner at her place, which is awesome, except I feel bad explaining about my food needs on the Whole75. Even the turkey preparation is important, which is why I volunteered to bring the turkey myself. I think it'll be ok (and I'll bring plenty of sides and veggies and fruit), but dining with others can sometimes be awkward on this eating plan. Especially around the holidays.

Still! My mom's cool and understands about putting health first. And we also don't have a dining room table so it makes sense to have the big meal at someone else's house. Slack Friday we can just use the coffee table and sofa, since we'll be lounging around with friends making fun of shoppers.

Which reminds me, this is a three-day workweek. Score!

Ouch. (Whole75, Day 42)

My right shoulder is all messed up and sore. I don't know what I did, but very likely I fudged it by sleeping awkwardly on it. I'm not happy with myself about it.

Today will be the final workout of Week 4 in Couch to 5K. It has me jogging at 3- and 5-minute intervals. Next week it looks like it's 5 and 5, then 5 and 8, and then on the third workout a 20-minute straight run. I don't know if I'll be able to do that, but I'm going to try. Heh...I fully admit that I'm doing this training not to become a runner but to lose weight. If I become healthier and more coordinated, and develop better stamina/ balance/ clarity in the process, awesome. But I'm hoping somewhere in all the plodding and bouncing I can get rid of some of this extra chub that has sat around on me too long.

Food's been fine. A little boring, but fine. I've been too busy to get really creative with food lately so it's been a lot of the same stuff I usually have. I did go grocery shopping after writing my last entry, and while I got home late it was worth it to have the cupboards full again (and have our Thanksgiving turkey in the freezer.)

Work has been a particular sort of stressful this week. I've been doing a lot of copy writing, which I love and which I think I'm good at. However, I am learning the hard way that you can't be too sensitive (or too attached to your work) in this job. Something I write that I love (and that my manager and her impossible-to-please boss also like), gets to the third or fourth level of review and someone shoots it down simply because they don't like it. No constructive feedback, no explanation of why something that matches every criteria they asked for is unacceptable. "It needs more Stimulus." "It lacks the Delight in the product." This tells me nothing of how you want it to read. Telling me you want it to have more zip and zazz, when you have absolutely no idea how to explain the product yourself, makes me think you probably want a bolder font and perhaps more exclamation points.

Having to replace or amend my own work with the work of others who outrank me (and whose prose, I arrogantly think, aren't as effective) is really hard. It's especially hard with vendors (internal and external) for whom English is a second language...I feel like I have a good understanding of how to construct a sentence, a paragraph, a page, and then I'm asked to write "We are proud to have such beautiful hotels! And you know what! The best part is we are giving away a trip!" :-/

It's been, as I said on Twitter, a Week of Mondays. I'm thankful it's Friday and I don't have to work this weekend (with the exception of a single house-managing shift at the Fox on Saturday, but I can handle that without issue.) Tonight I claimed off from rehearsal - I'm seeing Panda's opening night of Man of La Mancha.

33 more days until I weigh myself and find out if this extended eating plan, and actually exercising every day, has paid off in the way I want to.

My lowest recorded weight when I was on Atkins in college was 160. The goal for this Whole75 is 170, and I hope to hit 150 in the coming year.

To be honest, looking at my body now I think I could probably build some muscle, improve my shape and get down lower than 150 (based on my frame and whatnot.) But I'll reevaluate that when I get to it.

My skin (not the skin on my face) is starting to show signs of weight loss. This is both good and bad. Good in that I know I'm losing some stubborn fat...bad because it's getting itchy and irritated and it looks really strange. I have lotion that I use that's supposed to work for pregnant ladies (firming up the skin on their tummies postpartum), but I don't know how well it'll work on someone whose tummy has been so big for ten years as opposed to nine months.

It's worth a shot, I guess. And I like the smell of cocoa butter, especially when I can't have chocolate.

33 more days.

Ups and Downs (Whole75, Day 39)

I seriously thought I'd written another entry yesterday, but it's been over a week. Maybe I should schedule a weekly post or something just to keep me on my toes.

Work stress is about the same – lots of things going on, which on the one hand makes me feel secure that no matter how stressed out folks get, they won’t up and fire me, but on the other hand, there’s a lot of pressure and mounting to-dos. A coworker whom I’d really liked resigned the other day for personal reasons, which leaves our already small department with even more catch-up to do. On the plus side, I am writing a lot more, and growing ever more skilled in my interactions with high level clients who sometimes deserve a swift kick in the butt more than my patient assistance. For the most part people are pretty cool and I’m learning more about our products, destinations, and vendors each day. I’m seriously jonesing for a nice long vacation (weird, huh, since I stare at pictures of luxury hotels all day). Hopefully, early next year, I’ll be able to start traveling more in earnest. At any rate, we’re going to Disneyland in February and I’m excited about that.

A Christmas Carol is still chugging along. Tonight we’re blocking the final scene (the Fezziwig dance) and then the whole thing will be blocked and ready for cleaning. I’m off-book (having had the advantage of playing most of these roles last year) and watching with interest how things differ from last season. It’s a fun production and I think it’ll be a good one this year, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss last year’s cast.

Yesterday I completed the first of three Couch to 5K workouts for Week 4, and as you can imagine this is the most challenging setup yet. Running for 5 straight minutes a pop doesn’t sound like much, but it certainly feels like a lot. Yesterday was the first time since beginning this challenge that I actually had thoughts, while I was running, about whether or not I’d need to slow up and walk during a “jog” section. But, thankfully, I didn’t, and completed the workout (while breathing quite heavily and sweating in a most unladylike manner, because whatever, I’m awesome.)

Food is still going fine, just boring. Our cupboards are nearly bare (Panda’s in tech this week for Man of La Mancha and I’ve been going straight from work to rehearsals and not getting home until after 10), so this morning I discovered we were out of eggs and decided, well, tonight’s going to be a late night grocery run.

Which is going to seriously suck, but it’s necessary. Especially since Thanksgiving’s just around the corner and I can’t exactly make a dinner (let alone a Whole30-appropriate one) out of the 2 remaining dill pickles and leftover chicken drumsticks I have in my fridge.
That’s right, I’ll be making us a Whole30-friendly spread since I’m still on this thing for the long haul (but…as I’ve said about a thousand times…Christmas Eve will be my first day off and it’s going to RULE.) I’m thinking I should post my recipes on here of the things I make. Readership’s not so huge that social contract mandates it, but it’ll be a nice way for me to remember what I did to keep things both healthy and delicious during the holidays. And if people reading enjoy and take some recipes for themselves, so much the better! I get to feel helpful and famous. Win-win.

Today is a walking day (thank goodness), so I’m about to head out with my sunglasses and my audiobook and get some steps in. 40 days and counting at 10,000 steps or more – today will be Day 41.

There is a very real chance I will hit my steps goal for every day of this Whole75. I *just* realized I’m over halfway there, both in food and exercise. I do have a specific goal in mind I’d like to see on the scale on Day 76…but even if that number doesn’t come up, I will be very proud of myself for sticking to good habits for this long. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone being healthy. And that’s something to be proud of. *pats self on back*

Don't Cry For Me (Whole75, Day 31)

Welps, I've completed a Whole30's worth of...Whole30, and I'm feeling pretty good. My clothes are feeling looser and even my skin (which is still problematic) isn't as nasty as it has been in the past. Because we're finally (FINALLY) getting some moisture in the air here in drought-plagued California, my hair has gone completely insane, but I'll take that if it means we get some more rain.

I am also very glad to say that I have kept up with the FitBit goals, and have completed 10,000 or more steps for 32 straight days (today will be day 33). AND, I've completed two weeks of training on the Couch to 5K app (today will begin Week 3, which gets significantly more challenging.)

I will need to hit up a Ross or a TJ Maxx for a couple of pieces of "business attire" for this phase of things. Right now I have no work pants, so I've been wearing skirts and dresses (and jeans on Fridays), and with the weather cooling down it makes dress-wearing more challenging. I don't plan on staying this size for very long, so I don't want to spend too much money, but I'd like not to look quite so frumpy at work on a day to day basis.

Evita opened this weekend, and audiences seemed to enjoy it. It's a concept-heavy production, so people unfamiliar with the (true) story of the Perons or the original materials by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice were a little lost, but the performances were good and I was proud of the work people were doing onstage and off. Because I was the director's assistant and he's handed off the show to the SM and MD, my responsibilities are all done, but I'll likely see it another time or two as the run continues. It's cool to watch how shows evolve a bit after they've been in front of an audience for a while (and the performers and musicians become more confident, and little kinks get worked out).

Rehearsals for A Christmas Carol are now in full swing, and I return tonight for continued blocking and awesomeness. I really love this play and am excited to see how the production this year will differ from last year. I did hint (heavily) to the costume mistress that I really loved the red velvet dress I got to wear last year, and she hinted (offhand) that she may be able to take it in so I can wear it again. We shall see.

Panda is on Day 29 of a Whole30, himself! I'm really proud of him; he stuck to it even in the face of some pretty major temptations and has come on a bunch of walks with me, and is considering doing more WholeSomethings for himself in the future. Granted, he talks a lot about all the delicious junk food he's going to enjoy in a few days, but I do that too when I'm near the finish line. ;-) I'll still be on this Whole75 during Thanksgiving, but will be off by Christmas, so I'll enjoy pie and cookies then. Thanksgiving will be about the turkey and yummy vegetables and spending time together. And then sitting around in our PJs on "Black Friday" while crazy people go shopping (have seriously NEVER understood that phenomenon) and watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.

It's starting to get darker, earlier! Between that and the silvery/ rainy/ thundery weather, my spirits are lifting significantly. The vegetables may also be helping my moods, but I like to think it's just the world getting a little colder and spookier towards the end of the year. :-)

Happy Monday.

Sexy Pants (Whole75, Day 20)

Yesterday was kind of nice at work. I was in the break room refilling my coffee, and out of the blue a coworker asked how much weight I'd lost. She was supportive and happy for me when I said "90 lbs, so far!"

Then while passing between desks another coworker/ friend told me "you missed it when I said it before - you look a lot thinner, you look great!"

So that was nice. I posted on Facebook that I must have been wearing my sexy pants. It garnered a lot of attention...apparently sexy pants strike a chord with people. Heh.

And the sexy pants aren't snug, either! Maybe even before the end of the 75 I'll try on a size smaller and see how they feel.

Anyway it's Day 20 and I'm feeling fine, although my skin has been particularly troublesome lately. It may be the added stress from work, although I should point out that this stress is busy, and high-energy, and more annoying that anything (we're crunched for time and have too much to do), but it's not unhappy stress. I really like my job. Which is strange - typically in high stress positions I've had in the past (most notably customer service) I've just been miserable, and it's been my awesome (but also miserable in the job) coworkers that have gotten me through the day to day.

I still have awesome coworkers and we're still exhausted and stressed out. But ...I don't know. It's weird and wonderful to enjoy what I do. Especially at a "day job." Heh.

Oh and speaking of jobs, I was cast again in A Christmas Carol and will be rejoining the show in 2015. I'm playing literally all the same roles as last year, except one: no more Mrs. Cratchit. Instead I'll be playing The Ghost of Christmas Present, as well as the Collector, Mrs. Fezziwig, Dilber, and "voice one" (one of three narrators from the ensemble). While I'll miss playing Mrs. C (that was a bittersweet role for me, especially remembering my Grandma and my friend Mark who'd passed away), I am beyond jazzed about playing Present. It's a much cooler role than some people might think, and I *love* that the company occasionally has a woman play it. I'm still waiting to hear about other friends who've auditioned, so keep your fingers crossed for them!

On the FitBit front, the streak is alive and well at 21 days (today will be 22...can you believe that shiz???). I'm very hopeful that this will push things along a little faster. It would be so amazingly awesome to have lost 100 lbs before the end of the year.

My third Couch to 5K workout will be tomorrow (turns out you're not supposed to do them on consecutive days...whoops...no wonder my ass and thighs are so stiff and sore). But I continue to walk every day (and sometimes at night when I need additional steps) and I think it's doing me some good to get fresh air, as well as the cardio exercise and stamina training.

Speaking of which...time to slap on some sunscreen and set the timer (and put on my sneakers). It's almost time for my daily constitutional (adjusts lorgnette) don't you know.

Serendipity (Whole75, Day 17)

Seventeen's always been a lucky/ augurous number for me. And Day 17 is no exception, apparently.

For one thing, this happened:

Another Day One to record!

I completed the first full workout for a Couch to 5K. Granted, this is a pretty remedial thing (jogging and walking at intervals, spaced out pretty gratuitously) but for someone like me, who previously couldn't get through even the first few minutes of this workout without turning it off and stopping to catch my breath, this is a big victory. It's my hope that I can complete the whole circuit to improve my jogging stamina and (please please) accelerate the weight loss.

Then, as I was walking back to my office all sweaty and disgusting and glowing with victory, I got a surprise email from my friend Ashley. She's not only a fitness buff (seriously, her FitBit stats blow everyone else clear out of the water) but a world traveler with an enviable schedule of adventures. 

She asked me if I'd be interested in perhaps joining her late next year in Paris, to run their first-ever Disneyland half-marathon.

Ordinarily, I'd chuckle at such an offer and be like "yeah, dude, you go ahead and 'run' or whatever, I'll eat me some Mickey Mouse beignets and cheer you on from the sidelines." But this came mere minutes after the above screenshot was taken.

This sounds crazy...but it's a little too convenient to be a coincidence that she sent that message right after I'd started actual honest to goodness training to run.

So I said yes.

I will very likely be taking a shorter run option (5K or 10K...it's a year from now but I'm not sure a half marathon is realistic even with that amount of time to train). But I'll be going, and I'm going to run. And I haven't been to Paris since 2004. I need to remedy that!

Motivation's a helluva thing, isn't it? 

Prelude to An Actual Post (Whole75, Day 12)

Things are chugging along and I realize there's a million things I've intended to write about but simply haven't.

Maybe not a million. But a lot.

1. I have comparison shots I'd like to post from Vegas. Panda and I rode the gondolas on this last trip, and got our picture taken, and I remembered we'd done the same thing in 2011. I found the older photos, and I look different. Mainly in my face.

2. My weird hair is still weird, but somehow ...a little better than it was before. As stupid as this sounds, this is HUGE for me. I have the most pain in the ass frizzy can't-decide-if-it's-wavy-or-curly unruly hair in the land. And it's long, almost to my waist now, because I haven't had the inclination to go get it cut and styled. But after nine months (with a couple of cheat weeks here and there) of eating this way, while it's still crazy and messy, it actually looks ok without heat styling. Like, if I just wash it and let it air-dry, it'll go into this ringlet-looking thing that's actually kind of cool. Not polished or tidy at all, but not stuck-a-finger-in-a-light-socket crazy like it used to be. If I wash and blowdry it, it smooths out a bit and is wavy without being too kinky. The initial frizz, which used to be perpetual, calms down after about a day. Needless to say, I am glad of this.

3. Walking. I have a streak of 13 days over 10,000 steps on my FitBit. That has never happened. Ever. Today will be Day 14. I brought sneakers (and walking-appropriate clothing) to walk on my lunch break today. Yesterday I found a cool little path and had a nice walk listening to great music, but I went in my work flats and busted up my feet. Sneakers. Sneakers are my friend. I gotta get a spare pair to keep in the car! ...anyway I may actually succeed at hitting my steps goal for every day of this Whole75. Keep your fingers crossed for me. That's an accomplishment I would be extremely proud of.

4. Of all people, Pain Jane (the aesthetician I go to for waxing) noticed I had lost weight, and congratulated me on it. Oh! And I have to write about my initial encounter with her, years ago...we exchanged emails before we met, because I was terrified to go in for her services being as big as I was, and she is a fabulous, no-b.s. woman whom I really like and whose business I wholeheartedly recommend. A few other people have noticed, including a couple of coworkers, former castmates from the theater company, and the nice Sikh man who works at the gas station by my house. (Seriously...he's very quiet and doesn't speak much, but at one point when I was getting my change he said "you lose so much weight" in his beautiful accent, and it made me smile.)

What else.

I have my callback tonight for A Christmas Carol...I'm hoping to perform in the same company's production again. It's kind of funny, since I started this blog while I was in rehearsals for it the first time, last year. This year I convinced (read: peer pressured) my friend Jen into auditioning too! Yay!

Anyway. Consider this the trailer for upcoming, more in-depth entries when I have more time and workable brain cells (speaking of trailers I have to admit I am *very* excited for Star Wars Episode VII...December 18 can't come fast enough)

Jeans (Whole75, Day 10)

Finally.

Tonight I pulled the smaller jeans out (same ones I've been trying on intermittently for months now), put them on, and was able to take all the tags off. They are comfy enough to wear out and walk around. I'm wearing them now, in fact.

It is my hope that soon I'll be in even smaller ones. Hopefully by the end of the year.

Today's a stressful one, I can't lie. But I've been good with food and I haven't broken the step streak yet!

So...every little bit helps.

One Week In (Whole75, Day 7)

Well, I'm a week into the longest Whole-eating campaign I've done, and it's going all right. Work and Evita have me a bit stressed out (the play in particular) but nothing horrifying and I haven't been tempted to eat non-compliant foods. The idea of having a drink or something to wind down is definitely an attractive one, but not an urge so strong I can't resist it or distract myself.

I do need to get to bed earlier, though. I have been staying up later in order to get all my steps in, when I should be doing that either in the morning, or during my lunch break.

Speaking of which...I'm currently at 9 straight days (today will be the 10th) at 10,000 steps or more logged on the FitBit. I don't think I've ever had a clip this long, and keeping the streak alive is a great motivator to keep walking. I know it's not as effective as, say, a big workout with lifting weights or using a rowing machine or a dance class or something, but as simple and stupid as walking/ jogging is, it's MUCH BETTER than the absolute nothing I was doing before.

It's also helping my brain. Last night Panda came to the theatre to meet me and actually got to see the last few minutes of rehearsal, after which he walked with me around the community center (it's a really pretty set of buildings around two big central fountains and duckponds) to get my steps in and listen to me vent about my crazy day.

He's doing a Whole30!!!!!! He started a few days after me so this is his Day 5, but I'm still really impressed that he made the choice to do that. Hopefully in my 15 seconds of free time this weekend I can cook us up a bunch of food for lunches so he doesn't have to worry about going to the grocery store every day...like I've been doing...because despite having bought meat and veggies and all the cooking supplies I need, I still haven't had time or inclination to cook it all up. :-/ Not proud of myself for that.

My skin has been nasty lately. Like, worse than it's been in a long time. I'm going to continue the exercising (sweating oddly seems to help when my face breaks out like El Chapo...heh..."breaks out like el chapo"..hehe) and pumping up the water-drinking in the hopes that it'll clear up a bit more.

Fun weekend of theatre coming up! Tonight I'm seeing Star Spangled Girl with my friend Jen, Saturday I'm seeing an immersive play in history park, then Sunday Jen and Panda and I (along with a few others!) are seeing a friend's production of Broken Glass at Theatre Chevruta at the Jewish Community Center.

Oh and if you're in the area, stop by the studio on Mabury between 11AM and 1PM to audition for the Forbidden Broadway fundraising summer concert...I'll be helping out with that. :-)

Busy busy...

Three By Five (Whole75, Day 3)

I'm on Day 3 of my Whole75 and feeling ok, and I'm proud to say I'm on a 5-day streak hitting at least 10,000 steps on the old pedometer. I know that's not as much as I *should* be doing for maximum weight loss, but it's more than I was doing before.

Having that 2-day head start from walking around in Vegas so much was massively helpful in motivating me to keep on walking, even on nights like last night when all I wanted to do was go to bed and freakin' sleep. (Have I mentioned I love sleep? I. LOVE. SLEEP.)

I've been getting up early this week to work some overtime, not only to catch up on work I didn't complete while I was in Vegas but also to keep up with the crazy amount of work that's happening. It's nice because it makes the days go a little faster, but it's seriously an insane time. Once this week is over I think we'll all be breathing a little easier.

I love my job. I do.

Anyway today I'm wearing clothes featuring about 20 safety pins, not just from the pulled seam on my trouser cuffs that I've been too lazy to fix but also on a big tack in the back so they don't fall down...they're about 4 sizes too big at this point. I've also pinned one side of my (wraparound) shirt to my bra, but the damn thing is still a bit too...erm...revealing now. My boobs and belly and shoulders don't fit as nicely into it as they used to. Even the new bras I got are starting to look a bit wobbly. If they can see me through till Christmas, I'll ask Santa for some new underwear money and hit Nordstrom's again for another fitting.

And this time I'll remember to wear pants.

I have some Vegas photos (including some comparison shots from my last trip several years ago)...I'll try to remember to post them tonight after my walk.

No issues getting buckled into the Big Apple Coaster in Las Vegas...oh man I seriously love that roller coaster. Panda and I had a great time riding it. We didn't visit the coasters on top of the stratosphere (he's not fond of heights so I'll wait till I have friends with me who want to partake), but someday I'll revisit those and get buckled in there, too.

Not much else to report, except Oh! I tried sardines yesterday. I actually liked them. They were the super tame kind (skinless and boneless in olive oil), but I'm going to work my way up to the more calcium-rich crunchy kind. Baby steps.

"The game is won by nickels and dimes." - Khoa, from my old Dungeons and Dragons group

And We're Back! (Whole75, Day 1)

Back from Portland, back from Las Vegas, and back on the Whole eating plan for 75 days! This will be the longest period of time I've stuck to it, so I'm excited and nervous.

Being on vacation and eating whatever I wanted was pretty awesome, although I tended to overdo it at the buffets in Vegas (...that's kind of the point of buffets, I find, and while the food was amazing I was SO OVERSTUFFED that I now know not to do that). Drinking some booze was also nice, especially when Panda and I sat down by the pool all day Wednesday, reading and drinking Vinno de Mocca from a plastic lemonade pitcher. But I find I'm ok giving up alcohol for two and a half months, if it means I'm inching closer to my goal weight and getting healthier for it.

I'm a little bummed that we (I) didn't finish the liquor-infused chocolate truffles we have in the fridge, but hopefully they'll hold up for another couple of months and I can eat them on Christmas Eve.

Thanksgiving on a Whole30 is going to be a challenge. Panda was actually kind of miffed when I told him I was doing that. He makes really awesome pumpkin pies, and he made a comment like "so basically the only thing I'd be contributing, you can't eat." I felt bad about that, but decided to go through with it anyway.

Food's a weird political thing.

Anyway I'm really proud of him for sticking to the plan for 20 days (the last 20 of my 40). He lost 11 pounds and said he was feeling a lot better. He may be doing a Whole30 soon; we'll see.

I walked the ArtsWalk5K today! It was good to catch up with my fellow Shakespeare people and raise a little money for their group. And I'm now 3 straight days hitting my 10K steps on the old FitBit.

This week at work is going to be nuts. And I'm still helping with rehearsals for Evita, but it opens in a few weeks so that's not too intimidating.

Anyway! Back in the saddle with healthy eating and exercise. Goal for Whole75 is to hit 170 lbs by Christmas, which is a pretty steep order, but I'm motivated and eager and let's do this thing.

Wonderland.

I'd missed this place.

Whole40 was a success.

I hit my goal, just barely. Lost a couple of inches off of my hips and thighs, and a quarter-inch off my neck (although I could be measuring wrong.)

195.

It's been almost ten years since I've seen this side of 200. And I'm not interested in going back. Let's keep this progress going!

A few days of treats and celebration, then healthy eating (with dairy and some legumes; basic low carb) after that.

Whole75 begins on October 10th (same day as the ArtsWalk.) And I'm actually...kind of looking forward to it.

I thought I'd cry when this happened. Maybe I still will.

Maybe I am.

You're supposed to spell it "Onederland." I don't, for this reason.

Got it. Looks like "The Oh-nee-ders."

Time to celebrate! Portland and Vegas, here I come!!

The Good Thing About Work Being Crazy... (Whole40, Day 40)

...is that being crazy busy at work makes the day go quicker, and I don't think about pumpkin spice lattes and red wine and cherry cheesecake all day.

The bad thing about work being crazy is that work is crazy. Not a lot of time or energy for blogging, I'm sorry.

Yesterday the product team took a few of us from marketing to lunch at this awesome Thai restaurant. Thai is almost impossible to navigate on the Whole30, so I checked their menu online beforehand and figured I'd get a house salad with no dressing, and then eat from my snack drawer when I returned to my desk. But when we got there, they'd already ordered...family style...some of the most delicious and non-compliant foods that I really, REALLY wanted.

Thom ka (best soup EVER) is amazing. No idea if I spelled it right. But I have no idea if there are sugars or soy in it. Everything else is practically crusted with delicious peanuts. And of course there's soy sauce added to most of the liquids.

Pad Thai? Forget about it - I could eat it till doomsday. Peanut central.

And THAI ICED TEA. I'd forgotten how much I love Thai tea. I had plain iced tea which I like just fine, but that outstanding combination of sweetened condensed milk, coconut, and caffeine is just...well, it's just heaven.

I ate some onions and peppers and a few slivers of beef that I'd scraped the sauce from. It was kind of embarrassing, but whatever. I had food at my desk when I got back.

Goal for tomorrow is a landmark one. I'm hoping against hope.

And then Saturday morning I head out for Portland, and then Vegas.

Please, please, let me celebrate a victory on this trip...please...

Sigh. Ok. Back to crazy work.

Shot Glass Onions (Whole40, Day 35)

I read someplace that you can grow green onions (read: scallions) indefinitely by sticking the root ends into water and putting them someplace sunny.

Since I use them periodically and am sad I don't have the space to grow a little kitchen garden, I thought I'd give it a try.

Lo and behold, Dana's Hydroponic Shot Glass Onions:

Someday I'll take a photography class. And clean my kitchen window.

I just change the water every day or so, and they seriously grow that long in less than a week. I've cut them for recipes a few times (all the way down to the bulb!), and they keep growing back. This is pretty cool! Now if only I had a way to keep an avocado tree...that would save me boatloads of money...

One More Week. (Whole40, Day 34)

It's been a strange set of days. I'm sad that Spelling Bee has ended...it was a fun show and I wish every weekend could have felt as strong as the first couple (my voice was shot to hell on the penultimate performance and I felt horribly guilty, since I had friends in the audience...it recovered a little by closing night, but was nowhere near as strong as it had been.) Rona was a fun role to play, and I love my castmates. I cried a fair amount the night we closed.

I was also gifted three bottles of booze, which of course I couldn't drink (but I will do, soon enough...). One of Fortino's almond-scented Champagne, my very favorite, and two bottles of Vino de Mocca from the producer, who was just so happy to meet someone else who liked it (it's a really dark red, and it's not for everyone but if you like wine, chocolate and coffee you'll flip your lid.) All 3 will be joining me in Las Vegas in just over...holy cats just over a week now! Panda and I will be there from the 5th through the 9th, eating and drinking ourselves silly. Before that, I'll enjoy a beer and a burger in Portland for my stepbrother's wedding.

For now, things have been picking up at work. I'm doing a lot more writing, which I like, and also a lot more proofing, organizing, and downloading, which...well...it's still better than a lot of jobs I've had!

Rehearsals for Evita are ongoing. I don't think I have too much of an impact on the show itself, and that's all right with me. I'm happy to help my friend (who is directing) take down notes and rehearse language/ dialects/ etc. Occasionally I'll voice an idea to fix a problem...occasionally he'll take it. Sometimes he'll ignore it. He knows what he's doing...and directors are weird anyways.

Oh also, by some crazy chance I was nominated for an acting award for that short film I did. I got to go to their Best-Of screening and see a bunch of the nominated films, and visit with a few friends. No one else from my film came, save the writer/DP's mom, who also had a cameo in the film. We had fun chatting and even though I didn't take home the Best Actress award, I'm still really glad I went.

I also got interviewed on the red carpet...watching myself on the Internet after it was published made me realize two things:

1. I've lost some weight since the last time I was filmed.
2. WTF is wrong with my face and why can't I just look normal when I talk?

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but Panda is working on his own WholeSomething, a Whole20 to be exact. He started on my Day 11 so we could finish on the same day (and then eat and drink ourselves stupid whilst on vacation the following week.) He's handling it really well and I'm curious to see if he'll try a new one once we get back. 

Me, I'm planning on starting my biggest WholeSomething yet, a Whole75, the day after we return. 

. . . that's also the day of the ArtsWalk5K, so I can feel extra fit and grown-up. And get a jump start on the 50 lbs I'll have gained on vacation, hahaha......

Mishmosh (Whole40, Day 27)

I've been doing some more cooking. It's comforting both for the food value (tasty and healthy) and the emotional value (I feel like I'm nourishing/ healing/ being nice to myself.)

Today I brought an extra-big lunch, since it's a long day:

Photo taken right before I stuffed all this into my face.

What you see there is chocolate chili, Melissa Joulwan's recipe to be exact (with added avocado for extra awesomeness) and spicy tuna cakes with lemon wedges a la Nom Nom Paleo.

It's nice, I can eat at my desk like I usually do, and it saves me a bunch of money. Plus I feel all grown up and self-sufficient, which is always a boost.

Two more performances of Spelling Bee. Tonight and tomorrow night. It's always bittersweet when a show closes, but this one's a particularly sad ending. I've really loved playing Rona and this cast is so awesome. No drama, everyone's supportive and nice and so frickin' funny...my heart hurts to see it finish.

I entered a contest at work today to win a trip to Costa Rica (well...a hotel stay in Costa Rica...I'm pretty sure I'd still have to figure out my own airfare and transfer.) I don't find out until Monday, but keep your fingers crossed for me! I want to put my newly renewed passport to good use.

I don't feel like I've gotten any smaller in the last 27 days. Jeans feel the same all the way around. Energy still sucks.

This has just been kind of a dumb week, I guess. Sigh.

Comfort Food. (Whole40, Day 25)

Last night was a rough one for me. I won't go too into it; suffice today I was reminded, several times, of something from a few years ago that really really hurt. So, I came home and cried loudly and raggedly for a few hours, until my face was a mess and I felt a little better.

This morning I made myself a big breakfast for comfort: chicken-and-sundried-tomato sausages, avocado, and eggs.

Breakfast makes me happy. At least until lunch.

If the situation doesn't get better I may need to step back from this production. I'm no use to anyone when I'm this upset, and it's not like it's anyone else's responsibility to make sure I'm all right (it's mine. I take responsibility. And it infuriates me that more people don't take responsibility for themselves.)

OH THE DRAMA. :-/

Frustrated. (Whole40, Day 24)

Excuses and things keep coming up. And it’s pissing me off.

I don’t have the boundless energy described by so many Whole30ers and I don’t know why. I’m eating more vegetables now than I ever have. I eat a piece of fruit when I want something sweet. I drink tons of water, and plain tea or coffee if I want caffeine.

It has to be that I’m not exercising enough (or, some days, at all…which makes me angry at myself too.) But how can I get up in the morning to exercise if I feel like my body’s full of sand in the morning? I mean I seriously have to drag myself out of bed just to get into the shower, and I’ve skimmed every last second off my morning routine so I can shower-dry-sunscreen-clothing-hair-breakfast-out the door in as little time as possible, just to get a few more precious moments of sleep.

Ugh.

Panda and I joined some friends at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom over the weekend (we didn’t have a Sunday matinee) and it was pretty fun, but way too sunny. Not unbearably hot, just a lot of sunshine and my skin and I do not like that. I reapplied my sunblock every 40 minutes or so out of sheer paranoia, but at the end of the day I was still feeling pretty woozy and itchy. Luckily I didn’t break out in hives (that’s only happened a couple of times, and it’s seriously THE WORST.)  It’s worse than when I burn, which is frequent. I like having light skin and dark hair, but I don’t have a lot of natural protection against evil ultraviolet light. Sigh.

The rides were pretty fun. I hadn’t been to that park in ages…not since it was Marine World. The roller coasters are my favorite, and I am happy to say I didn’t have any issues getting buckled into anything.

That’s only happened once, but it was really embarrassing and I really never want it to happen again. We were in Las Vegas at the top of the Stratosphere, and I wanted to ride one of those ridiculously high crazy coaster things they have. I got in and couldn’t buckle the harness, no matter how I tried (and I feel like there were dudes riding who were much bigger than I was…how did they get it fastened?) but after a few minutes I was just like “fuck it,” and left, and didn’t tell anyone about it (none of my friends had come with me to ride. But when I came back to the observation deck so quickly, and probably looked all froggy-eyed, I assume they figured out what happened.)

That sucked. So, I’m glad that didn’t happen at Six Flags, and we had a fun time.

The AC in my car is fixed, so now of course the weather is much nicer and cool and breezy. I’m thinking I should get her washed, so California can finally get some freakin’ rain.

Between my head weighing 600 lbs when I first wake up in the morning, working, commuting, cooking/ eating, and assisting with Evita rehearsals in the evening, I feel like I have to choose between exercise and sleep.

I love sleep. And sleep is important. But fucking hell, nothing is going to happen with my weight if I don’t exercise.

Maybe a late-night thing? Maybe. I’ll find a way.

Hell's Bells and Buckets of Blood (Whole40, Day 18)

I had my first appointment with my new doctor (under new insurance) today, and she was very nice and helpful. I like her assistant, too; we had a good chat (dental hygienists and medical assistants who are nice to people and make nervous patients feel better - I APPRECIATE YOU).

The assistant actually asked me what my normal blood pressure is, and I had no idea. I know I hate getting my blood pressure taken (the inflatable cuff makes me more nervous than it should) so I asked if it was really high, and she said "no, it's SUPER low." I asked if that was bad and she said "not really. If we need to, it's easier to make it go up than to lower it. Maybe you're just super chill."

HAH. Unlikely. But it was nice of her to say so. I wish I could remember what she said my blood pressure was...I'll track it down at some point. It was 90/52. Still need to do more research to find out what that means. The new "My Health Online" website will be fun to explore - I guess this insurance remembers me from my past and has some reports dating back to early 1998 (I was in eighth grade!).

Physical exam went fine, doctor said it was normal for fat loss to go slowly and that it was actually a good sign (that my body was losing actual fat as opposed to just water), but she understands it's frustrating and that it could take 2-3 years to get down to 150 or whatever goal weight is. Everything looked normal (actual test results come back soon). Then I went to the lab and got stuck in the arm to get a lipid profile.

Turns out the insurance might not cover a blood type test, which is completely stupid, but I didn't want to risk it. I figure I'll go donate blood at Stanford soon; I hear they tell you your type after you donate. And that's free!

One mulligan from today: as is protocol at a doctor's appointment, I got weighed. But I ignored and la-la-la'd my way through it. One of the rules of Whole30 (Whole40 in this case) is no weighing or measuring during the WholeSomething. So no official weight will be taken until day 41.

Doctor approved of the eating plan, but recommended a vitamin (esp a calcium supplement), since she's concerned my cutting out dairy could mean I'm not getting enough. I *think* vitamin supplements are ok on Whole30, and I don't mind taking them. It's *remembering* to take 'em that's the problem.

And my height is 67.5" (five foot seven and a half). I was right!

On another note, one of the air conditioning hoses in my car was punctured and needs to be replaced. It's been hell on Earth these last few days (when I left the doctor's office at 10:30AM it was 94 degrees. I'm not exaggerating). So.....sigh.....good thing I have emergency money because my little car needs some TLC.

Be Strong and Broccoli On (Whole40, Day 13)

It's Friday, and Day 13, so it's kind of like Friday the 13th. Heh. Uh-oh.

In addition to being a performer, my friend Jen is also a graphic artist. She made me this to help keep my spirits up during Whole40:

New fight song!

It makes me smile. Jen's on her own health crusade, too: she's a breast cancer survivor! She's also been flour-free for a while now, and recently got one of those schmancy FitBits to track her exercise (the kind that measure heart rate and such).

It's interesting to see how differently people approach health, weight loss, and whatnot. When people ask me about the Whole30, I'm happy to talk about it, but I don't jump down their throats with the "omigod you HAVE to try this it's SO amazing it'll change your life and implode your universe and everything you know will be turned on its ear" the way that some people on the Internet tend to do.

Cauliflower "cous cous" with sundried tomatoes and leeks. I added some scrambled eggs for protein.

Some people take an almost evangelical stance on whatever health thing they're doing. Even if you're seeing success on your own plan, they will try to sell you on theirs (sometimes literally.)

I told an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a while about getting healthy and losing weight, and he was all for it. He then immediately handed me his wife's business card and started explaining Shakeology to me. Apparently it's like SlimFast but it's called something else, and instead of buying it in a store you buy it from another person, like Avon, which I assume means they recruit their spouses to sell to their friends who give an impression they'd like to get healthier. He kept saying I really should look into it. I really should join her Facebook group. Because normally he would never consider something like this himself, but he tried it and the shakes are delicious and oh my it was all so easy...

It's interesting because it's not like I said "gosh, I really want to get healthy but I have no idea where to get started...if only someone knew how I might lose this extra weight." Since he last saw me, I've lost over 80 lbs. And he didn't even ask me how I'd done that. He heard I was interested in continuing my health improvements and saw a sales opportunity.

And that made me a little sad and disillusioned. But ah well. I'm glad I don't have to "subscribe" to Whole30; the program is about building your eating plan around healthy foods, cooking for yourself, and learning not to rely on junk food. I like the idea of cleaning up my act, having some treats, then eating clean again. That seems to work ok for me.

If the same thing works for you, awesome! If something else does, that's brilliant too. Everybody's different, because every body is different.

Be strong, and broccoli on!

Yesterday. I Mean, Scrambled Eggs. (Whole40, Day 10)

I did get up and make breakfast this morning before work.

I know it's good for me. I do.

But I am getting very bored with scrambled eggs and black coffee. Man I wish avocados weren't $2.50 apiece. :-(

And now I have the placeholder lyrics to "Yesterday" in my head. Ugh.

Something I've Noticed (Whole40, Day 9)

The second weekend of performances is complete for Spelling Bee, and for the most part I'm really pleased with how it's been going. I definitely wish the theatre was air-conditioned...Sunday's matinee was so hot already, coupled with the lights and the 3 pounds of makeup and fake lashes, I was sweating something awful.

But, my voice has held up (it felt much stronger than this weekend than it did during opening, after a week of brutal tech rehearsals) and I'm getting laughs on my jokes. Rona is a fun part to play and I'm proud of the work I've done.

Each night we do a quick receiving line-style greeting with the audience, and I have gotten some positive feedback.

The majority of which has been on my appearance.

It's the strangest thing. It isn't good or bad (although it's certainly different). And that's not to say I don't get feedback on things like my facial expressions, or my voice. But for example, years ago when I performed in Fiddler on the Roof as Golde, I was spoiled with praise about my voice. It felt like everyone who saw the show came up to me and complimented my singing, and I felt like a total celebrity. For Spelling Bee, I feel like my vocal performance is even stronger, and a few people have been kind enough to remark on my voice...but for every one comment I get about my voice I have received at least two or three about how I look.

Friends of mine, acquaintances, former coworkers and castmates*, have hugged me and said "you look amazing!" or "You looked so awesome up there!" "You're gorgeous!" "I almost didn't recognize you!"

All of which is really nice and blushy to hear. It's unusual for me (but then I very rarely wear this much makeup, or form-fitting clothing, or high heels, for that matter). I just found it kind of odd that they'd make those comments and not follow it up with "and good job on that performance that I just witnessed, as well". Maybe the "looking amazing" also included a good performance, at which they were looking. It doesn't matter much.

*The anomale was one director friend in particular, who (like me) is very judgy and analytical about theatre in general. He gave me really wonderful feedback on my performance and it seriously made my night.

One compliment in particular, which kind of threw me, wasn't even told to me directly. One of the owners of the company was schmoozing with a group of their subscribers, and she recounted their conversation to me:

"The ladies were asking me, 'Who is that woman playing the head of the spelling bee?' And I said 'Oh, that's Dana M___, she's from the San Jose area,' and they asked where they might have seen you before. I said 'As a matter of fact, she performed in Avenue Q with us in 2014' - at which point they cut me off and all yelled 'Oh! The Slut!!'"

Point of fact: this is not an insult or slight. I played a character called Lucy the Slut.

"And we all laughed, and they remembered you. And then one of them said,

'I guess I didn't realize she was so pretty.'"

Honestly, this made me feel good. And then I felt guilty for feeling good. I do look kind of different than I did in 2014...also Lucy the Slut is a puppet character, so if I was doing my job properly then they wouldn't have been looking much at me during the show.

I do want people to think I'm pretty. I do want to be noticed when I make an effort to look nice. I can't deny that. But I think being spoiled on the more personal and insightful comments (having to do with my abilities as opposed to my appearance) have made me want both.

Being a semi-talented performer with a non-remarkable body and face meant that the majority of feedback I received was on the work I did. If and when I reach goal weight and find an appearance I'm truly happy with, that may change. Or, I may need to work much harder for people to notice I'm actually good.

And I'm all right with this. It's just something I noticed, is all.

It's All in the Eyes (Whole40, Day 6)

This week went by entirely too fast, haha...a lot went on despite having no rehearsals. We're back to performing tonight and have our first matinee this Sunday (I like matinees in general but in this theatre it can get pretty stuffy and hot, so let's hope for cooler temperatures, please!)

This morning I returned to my eye doctor for the first time in...man, I don't even know how long. Now that I have proper insurance again (thank cats), I'm scheduling myself to see my opthamologist, a (new) regular doctor and OB/Gyn, my dentist (whom I love but who is going to HATE ME because it's been probably 2 years since I've had my teeth cleaned...sigh).

The first appointment was today, and it was really good to see Dr. Folkers again. He's been my eye doctor since I was a kid (he's my mom's, too). He's about seven feet tall and skinny as a rail, makes "dad jokes" and is generally just a great doctor. My eye prescription hasn't changed since last time, but we agreed the best way to use my new insurance was to have my covered "lenses" be my new eyeglasses, and for me to save up and purchase contacts from a cheaper source like Costco or something as a backup.

So...I'm getting new glasses! The last time I got glasses was back in Portland in the late oughties. I loved those frames so much...but alas, when I moved back to California they somehow got lost in the shuffle and it broke my little heart. I've been wearing contact lenses ever since.

2008?...2007? I can't remember. Sigh...such cute glasses. Too-bright flash.

I'm hoping my new ones (similar shape, black plastic) will look just as nice. I'm a firm believer in the "the second I get a new one the lost one will turn up" paradox, so...part of me looks forward to seeing the old ones again as soon as the doctor calls to let me know the new ones are in. --from Portland, no less!

The Gift (Whole40, Day 4)

A few friends and Panda and I went to $5 movie night at the Drive-In last night and saw "The Gift". It was better than I'd anticipated, but still super creepy. Not everyone liked it as much as I did (or at all), and I could understand that. It's a bit...much in the creep department.

Also it's hard to see Jason Bateman playing someone not particularly likeable. Several references were made (by us) about how there's always money in the banana stand.

Whole40 is going ok. There have been temptations...my friend Vanessa bought a big box of cookies to share at the Drive-In and I could probably have eaten the whole box. And I find I miss unwinding with a drink (I never thought I drank that much...who would have thought wine and liquor would be something I missed more than bread and cookies?

Well, most cookies. Brownies might be at the top of my list. Geez, keep it together, Dana.

Sunday and Monday I got all my steps in, last night I got about half. Tonight I'm going to get all of them and hopefully some more. Panda's been walking with me, which is nice. He's still considering doing a Whole30 (starting on my Day 11), but I don't know how much research he's done yet. I'm trading my friend back for It Starts With Food tonight so he can read that, but I've also recommended the website to him 40 or 50 times so hopefully he gives it a look. :-)

I made a Travel Wish List for myself, of places I want to see and things I want to do. I feel like I'll never save enough money to do it all, but I'm working on it.

Fun travel coming up includes Portland in October, Vegas right afterwards, and Disneyland in February. After that, who knows. I'm hoping Panda and I can schedule a big trip in June, somewhere beachy and all-inclusive with a swim up bar.

Just keep swimming. And walking. And penny-pinching.

Off to the Races (Whole40, Day 1)

Opening weekend is complete for Spelling Bee, and it went well. Last night was the best I've felt about a run as Rona, and I'm very happy to have had awesome friends in the audience on Friday and Saturday. I received some very much appreciated positive feedback. One good friend in particular nearly brought me to tears last night. It was a good night.

This morning I weighed in (after sleeping in) and was happy to see I had only gained back a couple of pounds on my days off.

The weight loss goal for this Whole40 (remember...this one is bifaceted with the Whole-eating plan and daily exercise) is 15 lbs. I figure it's ambitious without being ridiculous.

I planned out the rest of my year as well - this Whol40 will end before my trip to Oregon for my stepbrother's wedding and my Vegas trip with Panda. The day after we return, I've signed up for the ArtsWalk 5K again so that'll be Day One of my longest WholeSomething, a Whole75 which will end right before Christmas.

Then in 2016 I'd like to do a Whole100. Not during our Disney trip, obviously ;-) But perhaps upon our return! I'll figure something out.

Panda has expressed an interest in doing a Whole30 with me, which makes me happy and proud.

Exercise plan:

Sunday: 60 minutes of cardio (walking, jogging, elliptical machine, etc)
Monday: 30 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes of weight lifting (upper body 1 week, lower body the next)
Tuesday: 60 minutes of cardio
Wednesday: 30 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes of weight lifting (lower body 1 week, upper body the next)
Thursday: 60 minutes of cardio
Friday: 30 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes of weight lifting (upper body 1 week, lower body the next)
Saturday: 30-60 minutes of light cardio, like walking (less intense than the rest of the week)

And we're off!

Opening Night! (Whole40, Day -2)

While I admit it's been nice to enjoy a few M&Ms and a glass of almond Champagne (ohmygod that stuff is so yummy) for the last couple of days, I have to say it's made me pretty paranoid about my costume for Spelling Bee. My friend Liz (who is both taller and slimmer than myself) loaned me a beautiful Ralph Lauren dress to wear, and even with Spanx and tights underneath I feel like every pudge and roll is on full display.

Still, I'm excited to get this show in front of an official audience. We previewed last night (tradition at this company is that the cast and crew of the previous show, becomes the preview audience; this means that we'll be the preview audience of their next show in the fall) and people seemed to really like us. The one big hiccup was that at the top of the show, on my entrance, the spotlight came on and immediately popped out (I guess the bulb was on its last legs anyway). So the first little moment was in the dark, but it wasn't a big deal. ...a slightly different hiccup was that the stage had been painted earlier in the day and was still kind of tacky, so I spent the first few minutes of the show thinking I'd either stepped in something, or melted my character shoes in this damn heat.

The film I acted in earlier this month, for the 48 Hour Film Festival, also premiered last night. A friend who saw it texted that I'd done well, which felt pretty good! I wish I could see the finished product. Soon, I hope.

Also: it's finally Friday! Hooray!! Next week I have my evenings off before Evita rehearsals get under way, DOUBLE HOORAY!

Phase One Results.

Well, the tweaked Whole30 was successful. I lost weight and inches (yes, I remembered to record both this morning!). I didn't get under 200, but I'm at 204 (5 lbs lower than the last WholeSomething,) and 16lbs lower than Day 1/30.

Which means that, as long as I'm disciplined about only having a few days before this next WholeSomething, I'll be under 200 by the end of it. Hooray.

I checked all my weight logs on my phone, and here are the stats:

Since January 1, 2012 (or whenever, before I started getting serious about weight loss again) I have lost 81 lbs

Since September 15, 2014 (when I tried logging all my food intake on a Google Docs spreadsheet, which was a giant pain in the ass but helped a bit) I have lost exactly 50 lbs

Since January 18, 2015 (Day 1 of my very first Whole30 Adventure, as cataloged on this blog) I've lost 45 lbs

So! My weight has fluctuated but gone down significantly overall. While there's still a long way to go, the under-200 milestone is very close, and after that, it's just 15 lbs until the down-100-pounds milestone. Both of those are very motivating and will help me get my ass in gear for Phase Two.

Phase Two will again involve periods of WholeSomethings, as Phase One has (to my count, I've done 3 Whole30s, a Whole45, and a Whole50). It will also be coupled with non-negotiable exercise.

So basically in addition to the food choices (which are now coming much easier and more habitually, and which I don't think will be a problem for longer WholeSomethings), the challenge for Phase Two will be daily exercise sessions with the intention of building some lean muscle and - primarily - kickstarting the weight loss again.

Next WholeSomething will be a Whole40, which I admit is a strange number but it's the number of days between this Sunday and my stepbrother's wedding (...and our trip to Vegas...) and I'd like to be able to have alcohol on both of those trips. Attending my friends' weddings during this last Whole30 (and not being able to drink) was still awesome, and it wasn't a big deal to pass on Champagne, but I do like the festive ceremony of it all. And, it'll be good to share a glass of wine with my dad and uncle again, both of whom have great taste in wine. (And I haven't seen my dad in too long!!)

So basically, today and tomorrow are Treat Days. Friday and Saturday I'll be calming down a bit, back to the basic foods but still having a final Treat Meal with Jen on Saturday (chicken and waffles, here we come) and then Sunday begins Whole40, the first WholeSomething of Phase Two.

Phase One (January 18 - August 17, 2015) Results (goals copied from the first entry on this blog)

1. To identify any food sensitivities I may have, which have negatively impacted my health and/or weight. Achieved Honestly, I don't believe I'm particularly "sensitive" to anything (e.g. gluten, dairy) but I do notice I feel better after a few days omitting these things from my diet. It's hard (oh how I love cheese) but honestly, it's worth it. And while I don't feel like I could move mountains (fairly certain the folks on the Internet exaggerate *just a tad*) I do notice it. And that's important to me. It's clear I do best when I avoid excess starches and sugars - I already knew that but this process has just confirmed it again!
2. To lose some weight and improve my skin/ hair/ nails. Achieved 45 pounds in 7 months (Hey...to the day! Cool!) is nothing to sneeze at. True, I wish it was 100 lbs in 6 months, but I'm glad to have made any difference at all, and maybe this way my extra skin won't be so gross (because, well...I'm starting to see some of the really thin "extra" skin in some areas...). Skin and hair are still my skin and hair...my skin's improved slightly from all the water I'm drinking, but hopefully the exercise will be the kick in the pants it needs to really clear up. I have definitely seen improvement in my fingernails; they're not nearly as brittle and peely as before.
3. To give myself a realistic timeframe, and a reference point for future health projects. Achieved Like I said above, 7 months seems like a long time to have only lost 45 lbs, but I am glad to have that as a reference point for how long it takes me to lose significant weight. It's good to no longer expect 100 lbs to fall off me in a month, as nice as it would be to get that kind of instant gratification. ;-) And, the fact that I've made it through all these WholeSomethings without falling off the wagon is HUGE for me. Having a couple of days in between to get my "fix" of whatever sugary thing I've been craving is good, but the real benefit is the sense of pride I have after completing each one. A year ago I would have laughed if someone had suggested I could go 30 whole days without doing ANY one thing. Now I know I can go even longer.

Phase Two (August 23, 2015 - ?) Goals

1. To establish a sustainable, but effective and healthful, exercise regime for myself. The goal isn't necessarily to become a gym bunny who works out every day. But I do need to exercise every day and I think the gym, and the track, are good places to start. I've attempted working out with trainers before and nothing has quite fit. This will be a trial and error process, and while I'm not going to beat myself up for mistakes, every day of a WholeSomething will need to include exercise. Also the FitBit goal is returning to 10K steps per day, and it's not going to be changed again.
2. To drop as close to goal weight as possible. As a person gets closer to their goal, inevitably, the weight loss in pounds becomes slower. But I want to work as hard as I can to get as close as possible before the end of this year. Goal weight is 150 lbs, goal size is 8/10
3. To have no more than 2 Treat Days (and no more than 5 days overall) between WholeSomethings. I think a big part of the slower weight loss was gaining back weight in between periods of loss. Taking it easy in between is fine, but not going crazy, and not taking 2 weeks to eat and drink myself stupid, will help keep momentum going overall.

And...I guess that's it for Phase One! Overall, I'm glad for this progress and motivated to keep going. Sunday begins the first Whole40 of Phase Two (whole eating plus exercise) so prepare yourself for a few self-indulgent whiny entries as I start whipping this body into better shape. ;-)

Thank you for reading.