Withdrawn (Whole25, Day 2)

I'm in the throes of some pretty icky sugar withdrawal right now. I was glad to enjoy treats on Thanksgiving and Black Friday weekend, but I think breaking up this WholeSomething so that I could indulge on those days was a mistake. I so want to end the year on a strong and healthy note.

So, we're back and I'm on the plan until Christmas Eve, when I'll weigh and measure and re-evaluate again.

All those treats really bloated me out and I was not happy with the weight on the scale Tuesday morning. >.< I know a lot of it will come off as water weight in the next few weeks, but still.

I'm considering how to schedule my WholeSomethings for 2017. If I want the weight loss to really and truly pick up again, I'll need to combine longer stretches of clean eating with (possibly) additional restrictions on starches and sugars just for fat loss purposes, plus continued and more varied exercise. I'm ok continuing the running training but I should find something to supplement that for long-term health and weight loss purposes.

It's all so adult and unappealing and stupid and I hate it and I'm just in a terrible mood because I want bread and cheese and also sugar and chocolate. And booze.

Blargh.

Disneyland Paris Half Marathon Weekend Recap

Disclaimer: grab a snack and a comfy seat, because this is a long one. I'm sorry this post is so long in coming. I wrote it a week and a half ago (before I left for the Super Heroes Half Marathon in Anaheim), but the website's not letting me backdate it.

The whole weekend of my Disneyland Paris Half Marathon trip went by so quickly it didn’t seem real. In fact I don’t call it a “long weekend” for that reason, even though I was gone from Wednesday all the way until Monday night. It just seems crazy, and far away. There were some insane moments (especially with travel), but I am very thankful that in the end things were smooth and I got there, and home, safely. 

Plus, I got to visit Disneyland Paris for the very first time, spend time with a friend I hadn’t seen in years, and relish the accomplishment of running both my very first Disney race and my very first Half Marathon. 

On Tuesday evening I laid out what seemed like an impossible amount of STUFF. People who know me, know that I’m a list-maker, and so of course I’d gone through several revisions of my packing list for this trip. I was terrified I would forget something vitally important and be stranded without it. Laying stuff out beforehand and checking things off my list helps, but it sure makes for a daunting-looking pile to go in my tiny raggedy carry-on suitcase.

Still, it helps to have two flight attendants for parents. I know how to pack.

Wednesday I struck off in the morning and spent the entire day and evening traveling. I went from San Francisco to Seattle (where there are always international delays, apparently…if you ever need to connect before flying out of the country, avoid the Seattle airport at all costs!). Thankfully I’d given myself a big layover window in case of delays so I didn’t miss my flight to France.

I was flying standby, however, and was therefore very nervous I’d get bumped off the flight. I am so thankful that I wasn’t! Even flying in a cramped seat in the back of the plane felt like luxury, because it meant I got to fly at all!

On Thursday morning (still late Wednesday night back in California), I arrived in Paris. After some mild confusion about the shuttle, I made it into the shared van and was carted off to my first hotel, about 30 minutes from the airport. (The package Ashley and I had purchased included 2 nights in a Disney hotel, and because those are the most expensive ones, I opted to add a night before and after at a more budget-friendly joint nearby.) The girl in my shared van was from Ireland, and she and her sister were also running the Disney races! We had fun chatting (I lived in Dublin in 2004 and miss it terribly), and got more and more excited about the race weekend as we went on.

I checked into the B&B Hôtel Disneyland Paris…and the first room they sent me to, I opened the door and there was someone in there already on the bed. ._o I went back to the desk and explained, and they were very apologetic and sent me to a new, upgraded room with a corner view. I didn’t care much about the view, I was just worried they’d send another person to MY room once I was in there! (Thankfully they did not.)

The views were beautiful. I went for a walk to clear my head from all the travel, and was really impressed by that whole area. A bunch of smaller hotels are situated around this nice lagoon.

The view from my window

Hooray for panoramic mode!

The lagoon behind the hotels

I was jetlagged TO BEJEEZUS AND BACK, so I was very glad I gave myself the day to sleep and recover from the travel and the nine-hour time loss. That evening I met up with my friend Jen, who’d also flown in from California, and we had dinner at Annette’s (which appears to be Disneyland Paris’s version of Flo’s Café from Disney California Adventure.) The wait to get our order in and to get our food was super long and we were both kind of over it by the end.

The next day (Friday), I checked out of the B&B and headed over to Sequoia Lodge (the Paris version of the Grand Californian, although nowhere near as opulent.) Ashley had managed to check us in early, so I went straight to the room and was happily squealingly reunited with her.

Two dorks are better than one!

We headed over to the Expo to pick up our bibs and swag, for the 5K and the Half (we’d signed up to run both.) I had no idea what to expect, so I was thrilled by the whole thing, but literally every other runner there told me over and over again that it was small potatoes, that it wasn’t even in the same ballpark as the runDisney expos in the states. This is likely because it was their inaugural running event in Disneyland Paris, and because a lot of American vendors were told at the last minute of additional charges/ visas/ etc and opted not to set up a booth. Regardless, I was really excited. We got into the right lines to get our bibs for each race, and then our shirts, and there were hardly any waits! I was sad that there wasn’t more fun Disney swag to shop through, but I did get a shirt that said “I did it!” which I planned on wearing Sunday after completing the race.

Apparently they're not usually this empty

We spent the rest of the day exploring all the different hotels in the Disney area. There are so many, it reminded me of Disney World in Florida! It makes our 3 in California look positively quaint, haha.

The next morning we rose bright and early. I was excited and a little nervous (but this was the “easier” of the two races, and a 5K doesn’t seem as daunting when you’ve been training for a Half.)

We left the hotel amidst a bustle of fellow runners in and out of costume. Walking over to the race start was pretty daunting in the dark. There were tons of people (although I imagine there will be many, many more in Anaheim and Orlando!). There was a row of port-a-johns near the corral starts, but I was too nervous to pee (plus I’d nervously peed about ten times before we’d left the hotel.) My bib had assigned me to corral B, but Ashley was in C, even though we’d requested to be corralled together (and we had the same corral for the Half the following day.) So, I moved back to corral C so I could start with her. The wait was long, but not too bad. I was mostly excited. Then they moved us up, and up, and then we were off!

The sun was already coming up by the time we went through the starting gate (both races this weekend began at 7:30AM, which was a mercy since runDisney races in Anaheim and Orlando begin at 5:30AM.) It was SUCH A BLAST to see the park for the very first time as I was running through it!

Going into Disneyland Park was surreal. On the one hand, it is set up in the same fashion as Disneyland Resort (Anaheim) and has the same basic shape. But as you walk in you expect to be under the train station (you’re actually under the Disneyland Paris Hotel) and you expect to see certain things on either side of you that aren’t there.) Kind of like being in a weird dream version of the park I know so well!

Ashley and I ran together through the whole thing, and I was so excited to see the finish line after what seemed like only a few minutes (It was about 35 minutes, although it was untimed and I didn’t time myself; we slowed a couple of times to take pictures or grab a drink.) Then I got my very first runDisney medal! It has Remy on it!

We were kind of disappointed that we didn’t get much in the way of food or beverages afterward (a small paper bag with an apple, a tiny Special K bar, and a mini-water, plus samples of Powerade.) A lot of experienced runDisney runners were saying that after the US races you get a whole box of sustenance. I drank a chocolate-flavored protein drink and it was just the best thing ever.

We spent the rest of the day exploring Disneyland Park and Walt Disney Studios! The first thing we did was ride Space Mountain Mission 2, and OMG YOU GUYS IT WAS WORTH THE WHOLE TRIP. Even better than Space Mountain in California (which is one of my favorite rides ever). We scrambled off (very dizzy) at the end and ran through the line again (we were early enough that miraculously the park hadn’t filled up yet) and rode it a second time. The first time we rode in the very back row, but this time we rode in the very front. SO. MUCH. FUN.

Adventure is out there! 

The castle is so pretty

Walking over to the Phantom Manor (read: Haunted Mansion) in the morning was also fun, since we got there using “Magic Morning” and were among the first ones there. Our English-speaking cast member with an adorable French accent gave Ashley no shortage of crap for hurrying him along. The ride itself was kind of disappointing in that it was abbreviated from the California version, and the hanged man was pretty much invisible. BUT there were different stretch paintings and it was still fun to see a few familiar ghostly faces.

I was actually surprised that so many rides (like Star Tours, Indiana Jones, and Big Thunder Mountain) were closed for repairs on a race weekend. They had to know they’d be seeing a huge influx of parkgoers, right?

That night we had a nice dinner and I had a *tiny* bit of wine. I was terrified to drink too much since I knew I was already going to have a nervous tummy the next morning and I didn’t want to get sick or hit a wall during my very first Half.

We went to bed early, I read for a bit, and slept anxiously in anticipation of the big day.

Pre-race tradition: The Laying Out Of The Stuff

At precisely oh-god-hundred the next morning, I was up and getting dressed. I didn’t think we’d have time for a full breakfast (they were only providing runners with basic cold cereals and whatnot in the lobby restaurant anyway), and my tummy was so shaky I thought I might throw up if I ate anything significant. However, I bonked HARD the one time I ran on an empty tummy, so I slowly ate some applesauce and a few saltine crackers, and packed a couple of snacks in my fuel belt for later. We got ourselves prepped and left the hotel, once again in the company of what seemed like a zillion people in wacky outfits. (The outfits were part of what made the experience so awesome – seriously, I loved seeing them all.)

Dana, Ashley and Jen are ready to run!!!

Dalmation puppies!

Slowly inching towards the starting line

The wait for the Half Marathon start seemed much longer than the 5K; apparently there were a ton more people, which surprised me since it’s typically the other way around. I guess people figured if they were going to fly all the way to France they might as well run the big race and not just the 5K! While Ashley went to the restroom, I found Jen and chatted/ stretched a bit as we waited. People were hopping over the gates and running to bushes and trees to pee while we waited…it was half disgusting and half hilarious. 

They played Disney music from the starting gates for all of us waiting in our corrals, and at one point “Try Everything,” the Shakira song from Zootopia, came on. And for some reason it made me a little bit weepy. I quickly scanned Spotify (thank goodness for international Wi-Fi plans, or this trip would have been such a mess) and added it to my running playlist.

By the time our corral was ready to hit the town, the sun was on its way up and the morning was upon us. Different Disney characters on a big screen next to the starting gate were counting down 3, 2, 1, GO in English and French. For our group, it was the three fairies from Sleeping Beauty. I was just so happy to get out of the starting line after that long wait!

Very shortly after the race began I stopped off in one of the park restrooms to pee. Along with about a zillion other runners. Omigod that bathroom was just as gross as a port-a-john! But at least there were full sinks with soap for handwashing. The first few miles were inside the parks, a very similar course to the 5K from the day before. But then we left the park and went on a long run throughout the region itself, a few towns, and even a school football field. It was really strange to be running with a ton of people in runDisney costumes, without any official Disney stuff around us. …Which is not to say that there wasn’t entertainment along the course, as well as beautiful scenery!

I was already pretty emotional, but this shirt made me quietly happy-cry a little bit

Ashley and I got separated about halfway through the race – my pace was a little bit faster and I tended to jog through the aid stations (the first few, anyway…by the end it was more of a walk/ shuffle/ dump Powerade into face movement). She had some gastric pain and decided to wait in a port-a-john line, letting me run on ahead. 

I popped my headphones in (I hadn’t used them at all for the 5K or for the first part of the Half,) and put on “Try Everything.” I then proceeded to cry/run for several minutes. Even though I was shuffling along at a snail’s pace and sweating profusely, it felt like a really beautiful moment. I was proud of myself for making it that far. It was cathartic and I think I really needed it. I listened to a few other pop songs while I calmed down, then took out my headphones and just jogged for a while. 

There were a few bottlenecks along the course, as well as a few really rude people pulling rickshaws (which I guess had kids or disabled people in them); they were shoving runners out of their way. (Literally. Shoving.) And they’d say “please move to your right”, so the runners, used to hearing “on your right,” would all move to the left and the rickshaw runners would get all pissy. Not fun.

Also this was the race where I learned that I. Hate. Switchbacks. It began with a really long straight line of runners, with a corresponding straight line of runners running back the way we came. “Oh!” I thought “Good – we just make a 180-degree turn at the end of this straightaway, then run back!”

NOPE. Hard left turn.

“Um…well maybe after this next stretch—“ NOPE. Another turn in a different direction. We ended up running in this weird Spirograph pattern that was so completely long (this was a huge chunk of the course) before getting back to that original straightaway that I was getting more and more pissy by the end. I rounded a corner expecting to FINALLY turn around at one point, came upon another spinoff and said “FUCK” very loudly… in front of a crowd of middle-school cheerleaders waving pompoms and saying encouraging things in French. There are not enough desolées in the world to make up for how shitty I felt, cursing in front of those sweet kids.

Thankfully they either didn't hear me, didn't understand me, or didn't mind.

When at last I was back on course, running back along the original straightaway, there were still people coming in the other direction. They probably were thinking, as I had, that the turnaround was near. My heart felt so heavy for those poor, innocent people.

After probably ten miles, my right knee started to feel really sore. I’d never experienced that before. It wasn’t like a pop or a crack that started it, and I didn’t feel a corresponding pain in my left knee, so I had no idea what was happening. I figured it must be from the repetitive impact or my terrible posture (it’s been a while since I was in conservatory training and perfected “actor neutral”; I tend to stand/ sit on one side or the other with my hip sticking out and I know I shouldn’t.) I actually walked for short periods toward the last few miles of the race. I was really hoping not to, but my knee began to hurt so badly that I knew it’d just get worse if I didn’t at least walk a few steps before running again.

It was around this time I started to see runners walking back along the course with their medals. I knew the end wasn’t too far away – it helped motivate me to keep running even though by this point I had a pronounced hitch in my giddyup and was run-limping to favor my sore right knee. 

After what seemed like a thousand years I caught sight of the finish line and my heart seriously started pounding. I could see the finish. I was going to finish. I ran a little faster. I couldn’t believe it.

Almost there!

Crossing the finish line was strangely anticlimactic. Immediately I began walking, and was limping a little because of my knee. I made eye contact with one of the people with the medals, and they put it on me…backwards. Haha! I figured it out as I was trying to take a selfie with it. I cried a little, but not nearly as much as I’d expected. All this time I’d imagined I’d burst into uncontrollable tears the second I got through.

FINISHED!

Re-spotted them ;-)

Ashley joined me at the finish line just a few minutes later! She got her medal, as well as her Castle to Chateau Challenge medal, and we took a few photos.

We were both WRECKED. We went back to the hotel for showers (omigod the post-half-marathon shower was THE GREATEST THING IN THE UNIVERSE) and to change clothes and pack. Runners had a late check-out because of the race, so we got our stuff together, checked out, and left our bags with the bellhop…

…immediately before it began POURING RAIN.

I was just so glad it hadn't rained during the race!

I felt like the smartest girl alive for bringing my poncho from Disneyland (we all got them the last time we got rain in Anaheim), because it was torrential at some points. We ran through the park (yes…RAN) to get to our dinner reservation at the Blue Lagoon (you guessed it…the French version of Blue Bayou.)

I told her "hold my camera for a second, I have to Gene Kelly on this lamp."

I. Love. French food.

We had wine and Champagne and amazing food, and rode a bunch of rides, before Ashley had to catch her train. The Tower of Terror was OUTSTANDING (mainly because Le Quatrième Dimension, or the French Twilight Zone, is a blast to listen to). We got to sit next to two southern ladies who were long-time Florida runners and so enthusiastic about Disney and Disney runs. The ride itself went on longer than the one in Anaheim and was even scarier, because the doors don’t open as often…it really was like being stuck in an elevator shaft! And of course the spooky French “elevator attendant” giving snarky safety instructions cracked me up to no end.

Brave conquerors!

In the lobby of the Hollywood Tower Hotel, a perfectly normal hotel. Nothing to see here.

After Ashley left, I checked myself back into the B&B (no room weirdness this time) and then met up with Jen in the park for dinner and a couple of rides, as well as their fireworks/ projection show which was really fun.

We got our own boat for Pirates of the Caribbean - AWESOME.

I couldn’t believe the weekend was practically over. I felt like I’d just gotten there.

The next morning I got up before the sun rose, and caught the first airport shuttle (cheap airport shuttle: SUCH A BONUS.) I’m so glad I caught the ridiculously early one, because there were major delays. ALSO I’m glad my hotel was one of the first ones they hit, since there were long lines outside several hotels and our bus was filled up by the second one. People were getting really upset – some of them had been waiting for hours and they STILL couldn’t get onto the bus, and they had flights to catch!

I was glad I’d made it on, and also glad that I’d given myself a big time cushion. Still, I was very anxious and nervous about making it to the airport on time. Standby travel is super tricky. I made it there EXACTLY two hours before my flight was scheduled to go out. AND THEN THE LUGGAGE COMPARTMENT UNDER THE BUS WOULDN’T OPEN. People were pissed. Luckily (again), my bag was on a side where it was accessible from a different hatch, so I clambered in and finagled it out.

Charles de Gaulle airport is a funny one. I was so unbelievably grateful for what little French I spoke, because between that and being overly polite to the gate agent, I was able to get assurance that I should get on the flight (not in first or business class, but I so didn’t care about that. Again – I just wanted to not get bumped!) The plane was huge, so it took forever to board everybody. But I was among them, and we left France safely. I watched a bunch of movies on the flight back (I’d slept on the way out). 

Again, Seattle international was a complete mess (note to self: DON’T FLY INTERNATIONAL OUT OF SEATTLE EVER.) But again, I’d given myself a chunk of time to make it through all the hurdles to get to my transfer terminal. I had to gate-check my bag (which I hate doing) but I made it on my flight back to California!

Once we arrived home we got a little scare – everyone was waiting in the jetway for their gate-checked bags and an attendant was all “uh…there’s no pink tags, no gate checks” and people were getting extremely nervous. Then he amended his speech with “they’ll just be at baggage claim” and we all audibly gasped in relief. “So our bags made it ON the flight, yes?” I asked. And he said yes.

I cannot tell you how relieved that made me! Hahaha.

Dave picked me up at baggage claim and had bananas and Tejava for me in the car. Seeing his face was a huge relief after all that travel and stress.

I regaled him with stories on the long drive home from SFO, and fell to the floor to greet my kitties after my long time away that, when I think about it, was like no time at all.

And that’s the story of my first runDisney event weekend, my first half marathon and my first destination race! I wrote it the day before I left for Anaheim, to run my second Half Marathon and claim my Castle to Chateau medal.

I guess I can call myself a runner now. And that feels pretty good.

Stunned and Sick. (Whole30, Day 30)

Yesterday I wrote a version of the serenity prayer on my notepad as I sat through a boring and pointless meeting at work.

Last night during the ...is historic the right word? It feels like history is going backward... election I cried as my fears and suspicions about the majority of Americans were realized. Growing up and living in a bubble state like California, it's easy to forget the bigotry and willful stupidity that runs rampant through so much of this country.

Yesterday during the day I considered giving myself some grace on this Whole30. After all, 24 hours isn't going to make any kind of a difference in my health and weight loss efforts, and with all this stress it might do me good to be nice to myself.

As I drove home from rehearsal after 10 last night, crying, I decided not to end the Whole30 early. Instead, I will take pride in finishing that task and in fulfilling something I can control. And for a while, at least, it will be about that. This weekend's trip to Disneyland is going to be vastly less fun than it could have been, but I will still attempt to distract myself and enjoy the company of my friends, and complete another task over which I have control (I'm more determined than ever to finish the half marathon.)

I feel sick. I feel humiliated. I feel scared about what this means for women, people of color, and non-Christians in my home country. And this next...however long this is, is going to be very hard for all of us. But my survival tactic is to keep waking up every morning, being a good and supportive person to the people around me, doing my job well, and taking care of myself inside and out. (This will absolutely include some treats tomorrow when the Whole30 is over.)

I am within my own control. And no hateful, mentally incompetent, hideous payaso is going to tell me otherwise.

Mishmosh (Whole30, Day 28)

I'm sorry I haven't posted my Disneyland Paris Run recap yet. I know I'm super late. I gotta get it written up before the end of the year. 

My next Disney run (Super Heroes Half Marathon) is this weekend, holy crap. I'm even more nervous about this one than I was about the Paris one, I think. How is that possible?

Only a few days left of this Whole30 and I'm feeling ok about it, although I very much doubt I've lost significant weight. I'm probably back to where I was when I finished my last WholeSomething (before indulging in lots of treats in Paris and Ashland,) but I feel like I still have a long way to go before I hit the weight and fitness level I want.

In all honesty, it's slowed to a crawl.

I know this is probably because I used to be much bigger and my metabolism has slowed down (everything I've been reading says that people who've lost a bunch of weight burn calories/ fat at a slower rate because their bodies think something is wrong. It's supposed to take several years before you're back up to "regular" burning levels.) I also know that the numbers aren't going to be as dramatic now that I'm closer to an "average" weight. Right now the bullshit BMI calculators (seriously, those things are so stupid) would clock me at "overweight" when before I was in the "morbidly obese" category, but to be honest I'm not sure how unhealthy my weight is right now, since I'm eating nutritious food, exercising, and avoiding most harmful things most of the time (alcohol, etc.) I may not look the way I want to, but I know I'm healthier and will probably live longer than I would have if I'd kept up my habits from a year ago, so...go me, I guess.

This was my promo photo for Godspell back in 2010.
Frankly the creepy look on my face bothers me much more than my weight.

Here are two car selfies, one from 2011 and one from 2016.

It's strange to me how different these two pictures are. Not just my size.
Maybe it's because so much time has passed. I don't know.
(maybe because in '16 I have the advantage of Instagram Filters)

I very much look forward to a drink and some treats when this Whole30 is complete (especially after tomorrow's election....ugh...may we all have the strength to bear it, this has all been hateful and horrible.) Disney is going to be fun, and I look forward to getting my Castle to Chateau medal, too!

A Christmas Carol rehearsals are going well. I have this little feeling that this will be my last year doing it, and I'm not sure why (perhaps because it's my third consecutive year, and I believe in the power of threes?). It's going to be a good ghosty show with some wonderful people.

And now...back to work.