Sunday, March 29, 2015

The Next Level (Whole45, Day 1)

This morning I had scrambled eggs with "whole" guacamole, and my friend Jennifer came over at 9:30 so we could go for a walk at the park. It was really nice out, and great to catch up and laugh with her for a bit. We went and got some coffee afterwards (black Pike's Place for me) and chatted about theatre, life and all that. It really helped me get my ass out of bed knowing I had my accountabili-buddy coming over to walk with me.

I am an idiot and didn't have time to grab lunch before coming to the theatre at noon, though. So I'll make a slightly bigger dinner tonight when I get home. Panda's at Wrestlemania so he'll likely have something while he's out, but I will be hitting the grocery store and batch-cooking for the week. I definitely need to pack my lunches this week and not rely on hitting the grocery story by the office every day for celery sticks and avocados.

Hooray for tons of chicken (there's broth in my slow cooker at home as we speak!) hahaha.

I want to make sure I get to bed early so I can start the morning jog/ walk routine tomorrow as painlessly as possible. Wish me luck.

Took weights and measurements this morning and am not going to look at them again for a month and a half. On the plus side, I'm only 5 lbs up from the end of my last Whole30 5 days ago (yeah...not gonna start on that, I promised myself, I'm done with it.)

I took next weekend off from house-managing and am really glad I did. This coming week my evenings are free, too, which means I can take time to cook dinner, read, etc. I'm toying with the idea of no-electronics-after-something-o'clock but haven't settled on it yet. The main rules for Dana's Whole45 Adventure are:

1. Stick to the eating plan and cook most, if not all, meals myself at home.
2. Exercise every day, at least once to the park, around the two duckponds, and home.
3. Sunscreen every day (this has more to do with general health; I'm very pasty and burn like toast).
4. 5-10 minutes each evening before bed of meditation, stress relief or general "quiet time".
5. No almond butter (I tend to go overboard on it the same way I did with peanut butter, best to just avoid it. It's super expensive anyway and California's in a drought).

I think that's it. Also the regular rules: tons of water, as much sleep as possible (bedtime for me is typically around 11), no getting sick, breathe through stress/ anxiety and don't exacerbate it.

And even if the results are disappointing or nonexistent...I mean. It can't *hurt* to build healthier habits, I wouldn't think.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Dissapointed (ing?) But Not Broken (Whole45, Day -2)

Two pounds.

Two. (2). Two pounds. And one inch off my spare tire but exactly the same everywhere else I measured.

Fuck. That.

You can see now why I haven't updated. I was extremely let down, and felt like a complete failure despite eating fucking vegetables and iced tea for another goddamn month. Like most weight loss ventures, this one started out really fast but then slowed down, probably because my body got used to eating normal (well, what's supposed to be normal) food, and also because my fat ass is still so sedentary.

I gave myself a few days to finish feeling sorry for myself and to formulate my plan for my next leg of this journey.

I'll be going a little longer in between "relaxation periods", so I'm making this next one a Whole45 instead of a Whole30. If nothing else, even if nothing changes, I know it's not going to hurt me to eat meat, fruit and vegetables for 50% more of a stretch than I was.

There's a rule in the Whole30 program that if you go off-plan food-wise (like, if you eat a donut or drink a beer or something) it's not the end of the world, but it does mean you've ended your streak and you have to start over at Day 1. I am proud of myself for staying on target with the food for each 30-day stretch, but I'm putting in a new rule for myself: exercise. And if I go a day without exercise, then I start over at Day 1.

I very much do not want to do any starting over in the middle. My whole adult life has been about starting over in the middle of a fucking weight loss campaign.

After the Whole45, during the rest period, I can exercise or not exercise (just like I can eat a burger or not eat a burger), but during the program itself I am requiring myself to put in the time and the sweat.

I hypothesize that adding exercise will not only help with the weight loss (two pounds, come fucking ON, what the fuck is that nonsense) but it'll also improve my skin. One of the most frustrating things about this thing is hearing from so many people that they had glowing clear skin after they did a Whole30 and mine still looks like it did when I was 15.

The rule for exercise is one time per day, jogging to the park by my house and around the two duckponds and home. Walking is ok as long as I maintain the distance, but jogging or interval walking/ jogging is ideal. I'll be using the Couch to 5K app on my phone to try and up my stamina, and finally making good use of all the "Stress-Free" and "Upbeat" and "Workout" playlists on my damn Spotify.

Another rule I'm still kicking around is social media. I may want to go without for the 45 day period. I still want to journal in this blog, but I can see from the page count that the readership has dwindled way back down (and I'm pretty sure the few hits I get are from when I log in to check if I misspelled anything in a previous post) so I'm not worried about any imaginary "responsibility" to my "fans", and while Facebook and Twitter are fun, people tend to get wrapped up in their own shit. They're not going to be worried if I don't post anything for a while.

If I can admit something, it kind of hurt my feelings that a bunch of my theatre friends are passing around this "tag, you're it, post three photos of yourself dancing!" chain thingy and no one tagged me. I know, I know, it's so fucking middle-school and I am smiling and rolling my eyes at myself.

But I was a dancer. I was really good. I was a Featherette the year we took first in California State Championships. I danced at two 49er halftimes. And I danced in the Voodoo Lounge in Dublin and never had to pay for a drink the whole time I lived there. And I'm tall - which means all I fucking did in the theatre during my youth was fucking ensemble. Which translates to, oh guess what: dancing.

And now look at me - sitting in one place for ages, or lumbering from place to place so that the people who know me and see me every day don't even think of me as someone who's ever danced, let alone a "dancer".

I fucking love dancing. And I'm going to keep doing it, and loving it, no matter what I look like. And I promise myself that tonight is the last time I'm going to think about that stupid photo thing. It's dumb, and there's nothing wrong with my friends having fun: these bad feelings are my own apathy and selfishness, no one's been unkind or uncool with me. I'm oversensitive about this whole stupid weight loss thing. I know this.

And that's the end of that.

NOW. Another rule for Whole45 has to be that all my meals are prepared by me. I ate a lot of raw foods during my second Whole30, mainly because I didn't have time or energy to prepare stuff at home (particularly for lunch) and so that meant a lot of celery, a lot of bananas and almond butter, etc. This will require a lot of planning and careful budgeting, which is daunting but I am determined. I am committed to cooking more nutritious foods for myself regardless of my weight, so there's no time like the present to get all this going.

And another rule: stress reduction. Maybe meditation. The exercise will help with this but I'm thinking like...ten minutes of silent meditation or something will help get me through 45 days of hard(er) work. And will likely help me cope with it when the results are less than I hope.

There's a lot of extra garbage on me to lose and I'm so tired, I'm so tired of carrying it around. I want to let it go, but it's not as easy as "dropping" it, I have to kind of...grapple it away. So that's what I'll be doing.

Tomorrow I'm catching up on some sleep and planning out 45 days of a program for myself. Dana's Whole45 Adventure begins on Sunday.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

It's the Final Countdown... (Whole30v2, Day 30)

Last day of my second Whole30. Definitely looking forward to a few days of treats, but not planning on overdoing it like last time. Blegh. That felt awful.

Definitely did not exercise as much as I had hoped. Ate breakfast most days, but not all, much to my shame.

Have been feeling melancholy and bitchy lately. Skin is still gross.

I am considering bumping up v3, to a Whole45. Seeing if I feel physically and mentally better if I bump it up by 50%. Still not sure yet. This way of eating is certainly sustainable long-term, but it's kind of boring, and one of the things that makes it attainable is the knowledge that a few days of treats are forthcoming.

Hoping hard for another 20lbs down. Didn't exercise as much, BUT also made different choices within the allowed foods. First Whole30 I ate many more sweet potatoes and starchy vegetables, whereas this time I opted for lower-glycemic and lower-carb ones. We'll see if that makes a difference. Biggest difference will be when I get off my fat ass and start jogging again.

Had a nice omelet with leftover Kalua pig and spicy "whole30" guacamole for dinner, and a big apple afterwards. Was massively craving almond butter but I'm trying to cut back...I recognize my peanut butter tendency of just sitting and eating half the jar mindlessly with a spoon, so after the last jar I figured I'd wait till I was done with this 30 days and revisit how I feel about it.

A few things I'm looking forward to enjoying on my treat days:

  • a cocktail or two
  • a burger from St. John's
  • a brownie sundae
  • one of those big soft cookies with the M&Ms in it
  • ...um... that's all I can think of right now.
One of the nice things about the Whole30 (both versions) is it kind of puts my manic cravings into hibernation. My mouth still waters for certain delicious junk foods, but I'm fine having them just once in a great while and I don't feel upset about going long stretches of time without them. I'm used to black coffee now, I was already drinking unsweetened tea, and I'm considering giving up soda for the long haul (although even now, thinking about Diet Coke, I really want to drink one. Maybe with my burger).

Anyway, I'm singing Europe's classic '80s ballad and crossing my fingers for tomorrow's weights and measures.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Why. Why Today. (Whole30v2, Day 26)

We get a lot of freebies at my job. It's a big travel agency, so hotels give us things like keychains, luggage tags, shopping totes and whatnot all. the. time. And occasionally they give us cookies or cake pops (both were handed out this week) and I'm able to say no thank you, or if they leave mine on my desk while I'm not here I can either hand it to someone or stash it in my desk until after Whole30 when I can have a treat.

A guy just came by handing out It's-Its. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically the greatest thing to come out of San Francisco since sourdough bread. Fuck Rice-A-Roni, It's-Its are The San Francisco Treat. It's basically a gigantic ice cream sandwich with oatmeal cookies, dunked in really good dark chocolate. They're like...one of my favorite things ever.

I have four more days on Whole30. And it's not like I can stash an ice cream sandwich in my desk for that long. So I had to say no thank you.

TO AN IT'S-IT.

MY WHOLE BRAIN IS CRYING.

Why did they have to hand those out TODAY?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??? Gah.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Inching Ever Closer... (Whole30v2, Day 25)

This morning, for a lark, I tried on that pair of jeans I have in my drawer that are one size smaller. I can now button and zip them.

I could walk around ok, but they're still too snug to wear in public.

So. Progress!

I brought some fish and broccoli for lunch today, finally. I kept forgetting to bring lunch and have eaten celery and avocado and bananas for lunch for like..the past hundred years. I like it fine, but variety will be better. As will more protein. And cumin.

Fun fact: cumin in Spanish is "comino."

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Flying By! (Whole30v2, Day 23)

It feels really weird that there are only 7 days left in this Whole30. I honestly don't think about it as much as I probably should; I've gotten into habits with cooking and eating so I don't have to obsess about it, and I haven't had any crying self-pitying "oh my god I NEED CANDY WAHHHH" moments like I thought I would.

Still haven't gotten into a good exercise regime yet. DAMN it. Tonight I am making Panda take a walk with me whether he likes it or not. ...or rather, I'll ask and if he doesn't want to, I'll put on headphones and do one of my C25K walk/ jog things.

St. Patrick's Day is one of my favorite holidays, partially because of my Irish roots (and the fact that I'm a confessed hibernophile) and partially because it's a fun celebratory holiday, huge in the USA without a lot of reference to the Saint himself (hooray! we love Irish people! let's get piefaced!!). I lived in Ireland and it didn't seem like as big a deal in Dublin as it does even in California (and NYC and Boston are way more into it, having many more generations of Irish immigrants). Basically it's treated as an Irish American holiday encouraging good times with good friends and good booze.

Sigh. I suck at scheduling. Day 31 I'm having a glass of whiskey. Oh, and several courses of junk food from the Old Spaghetti Factory. And one of those big chocolate chip cookies with the M&Ms in it.

Haha and then when I'm done feeling like death warmed over I'll start Whole30v3. :-p

ONE MORE WEEK.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Creativity is Key. (Whole30v2, Day 19)

Last night I made my usual chicken and Brussels sprouts. I really like that recipe and I'd make it every night if I had the time. Usually I buy the sprouts in bulk at the grocery store and have to toss most of the outer leaves/ stems for being wilty and gross, but this time I bought a pre-washed bag of them from Safeway, which was like a buck cheaper per pound than the bulk ones. Weird. Anyway these were really fresh and nice-looking, so I figured I'd try the recipe I saw for Brussels sprouts chips (like kale chips but using the outer leaves of the sprouts, which I would have otherwise tossed when I was prepping them for the chicken dish.)
Tossed with oil and salt, put on baking sheet, threw into 350F oven.
I left them in there a *little* too long so they got a bit browner than I'd like, but it turned out to be a nice tasty snack nonetheless! I got distracted watching "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" and forgot to set the oven timer. I'm always happy to find new ways to make indulgent-tasting snacks that are still on-plan and won't mess up my results. For anyone on Atkins and not a Whole30, I highly recommend SugarFreeSheila.com for easy compliant recipes.

As for "Kimmy Schmidt," I've only seen one episode but I'm a bit charmed so far. We'll see if I climb on board the "OMG BEST SHOW EVAR" train all my friends are on, once I see a few more episodes. I'm a big fan of Tituss Burgess and Tina Fey. And they have a damn catchy theme song.

11 days to go!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The Sweatshirt (Whole30v2, Day 17)

This morning I put on my U of O sweatshirt, which has always been a little snug but I really like it, and zipped it up. I noticed something weird but figured my brain just wasn't awake yet.

But then I figured out two things:

  1. It zipped up without being snug. It's not hanging off me but it fits fine and doesn't pull across my chest or tummy.
  2. The length is now weird.

I've noticed the length of my clothing changing more than the circumference. For example, one of my favorite dresses is now too long to wear without heels. I was pissed off all day about it because I thought a hem had come loose and I didn't want to have to sew it back up...then upon closer inspection I discovered the hem was fine. And I'm not getting shorter: the dress hangs "longer" because my girth is decreasing, and my midsection isn't pushing out as much, taking up some of the length, like it used to.

Which is great. But now things don't fit right. And my size is going to be changing a lot more (hopefully) in the next several months so I don't want to do any big alterations on my nicer clothes, or purchase nice new ones. So...I'm in the in-between "hobo" phase for clothing I guess. Heh.

I drank another strawberry-infused kombucha today. I need to make those a once-in-a-while thing because I could see those becoming a serious problem. They are delicious. I also tried roasted seaweed as a snack, which is...interesting. Not great but really not bad.

I feel like a complete idiot for scheduling a Whole30 through St. Patrick's Day. I will be treating myself to a nice glass of whiskey once this is over. You know. In honor of the old Saint, of course.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Exhausting Weekend (Whole30v2, Day 14)

Tomorrow I'll be halfway through Whole30 number 2. This weekend was crazy - Friday, Saturday and today I subbed for the resident House Manager at the Fox Theatre (it's gorgeous) for Les Misérables. It was really fun and I love the people on their staff, but I'm seriously exhausted from all the running around. Matinées are always ridiculously busy and crazy, but it was even crazier today since the downstairs (accessible) ladies' room was out of commission so intermission was like 25 minutes long. Ladies do NOT like waiting in line for the facilities.

Saturday morning I had a season audition for a big company for which I've never worked, but I have seen a lot of their productions and would love to get involved.

It's about 6:30 and I'm home finally. I should really make some chicken thighs, but I want to go to bed like, now. I had a banana and some almond butter...ugh. I do need to make the chicken. It's for the week's lunches, too.

Blargh.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

I Don't Belong on Instagram. (Whole30v2, Day 9)

I've been trying to take pictures of my food. It seems like the whole Internet has unlocked the secret of delicious-looking flawless food photos, while mine are never lit properly and they show up all...weird.

However, while my photography skills are lacking, my cooking skills are certainly improving with all these meals at home!

Last night's dinner: blackened tilapia with green beans
Sometimes it takes way too long to prep (like tonight's Swiss chard) but I'm glad to be getting more adept at cooking healthy things, especially vegetables.
Leftovers are also a staple in my life, like this Kalua pig!

I'm proud to be able to cook for myself and Panda. I may not be a full-fledged adult in all aspects, but being able to cook a chicken is something I'm pretty pleased about.
The whole bird, resting as the greens cook

Half-chicken, carved to oblivion (need to take a knife skills class) with some Swiss chard Catalan.

Perhaps the photos are not all that appetizing...but trust me, my food definitely is. 

21 more days and I'll be drinking a glass of red wine, or perhaps Jameson, as I cook. I've missed that ritual. :-)

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Moving Right Along (Whole30 v2, Day 7)

I forgot to measure my neck. Dangit. But I'm still interested in seeing any changes at the end of Whole30 v2, since I forgot to measure anything at all for the first one.

It's Sunday, so Panda and I don't have to work. We're doing this "40 Bags in 40 Days" sort of thing where we're cleaning and organizing different areas of the house, purging a lot of clutter, donating/ recycling a lot of things. This morning we had some breakfast at Bill of Fare, one of our favorite diners. I had a South Meets West omelet with no cheese (steak, onions, bell peppers and jalapenos), and some fresh fruit and several cups of black coffee, which I'm learning to like more and more. When we got home we started watching a miniseries called "The Jinx", which is really fascinating so far. I have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with true crime, cold cases, etc. Anyway once I'm done with this episode, our next bit for "40 Bags" will be the bookcases in the bedroom. I feel bad because most of the stuff in there is mine. I love books and I have trouble getting rid of them, but I really do need to cut down on the massive amount of Stuff. I'll keep the very important/ precious ones, but I plan on bringing a lot to the library so other people can enjoy them.

Also, I need to go grocery shopping and buy/ prep lunches for the week. I'm really liking the new (well, ...new again) gig, but even when they cater lunch there's nothing I can really eat on Whole30 so it's good to bring home-cooked food.

We got a ready-made rotisserie chicken the other night, and Panda agreed with me that mine is better. :-) I'm becoming a better cook, with practice.

Not much else to report. Trying to get everything together for the coming week, trying to get as much rest as possible. Hopefully going to start walking or jogging this evening. Really need to build more regular exercise in if I'm going to see real results.

Some friends came over last night for a bit, including J who's also on her own Whole30 adventure. I'm glad she and Jen are both trying it out - it's great to have people to talk to about the process. And having friends working on it themselves, makes me want to step up my game and not slack off.

Happy March! Man, time goes by fast. :-p