Colorful (Whole65, Day 19)

Perhaps I'm getting old, or maybe I've just been super busy. But it doesn't seem like it's been 19 days since I started this Whole65. Ah well.

I spent yesterday (Memorial Day, which I had off from work) cooking up a storm so I'd have lunches and dinners for the next week or so. It's going to be a busy stretch. Love's Labour's Lost opens in under 2 weeks and I'm really excited...I only wish it wasn't going to be so hot ._o On Sunday I got my hair chopped off to Victoria Beckham's 1990s-era bob, to look more Posh Spice as the Princess of France.

Crazy short!

And the day before that, a few friends and I ran The Color Run in San Jose! We had a really good time and it was more fun (and less stress) than I thought it would be. I ran (...well, jogged...) the entire course, and while I wasn't really fast I was still proud of myself for keeping a steady pace and finishing. 

Victory!

New medal :-)

They took some official race photos along the course, so I'll look online in a few days when they post them and see if any of them are worth ordering. After the Disneyland Paris trip in September, I'll have 4 medals (two Color Run 5Ks, the Disney 5K and the Disney Half). So, I should find a fun way to display them, maybe. :-) I found out my friend Jennifer (second from the right in the above group photo) will also be at the Disney races in Paris! I'm super excited to learn that.

I got lots of nice compliments from the photos I posted over the weekend, as well as the hair photos I posted today...and the below driver's license comparison:

Transformation Tuesday, indeed. Too bad I *still* didn't look in the right place haha

It'd been really nice getting positive feedback from folks on the weight loss. It helps motivate me to keep going, since there's still a long way to go and it's slowed down so much.

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Man, I wish I was swimming and not at work today, haha

Skirts and Shorts (Whole65, Day 13)

So...

The short film that Jen and I were both in, Stonewood, ended up winning Best Film at the San Jose 48-Hour Film Project! This means that we get to screen it again, in competition with other 48-Hour Films from all over the world, in March of next year. That festival is called Filmapalooza and (I think) it's in Savannah, Georgia. I am very excited - Jen and I agreed that if our movie won, we were absolutely attending this festival. Now all I need to know is the confirmed location and the exact dates, and I can book a hotel and plan a trip!

I also got another pleasant surprise that day (well, two really): I was nominated for Best Actress alongside a few other talented women, and I ended up winning! I didn't expect it (I really thought the chick that played the titular "Fantastagirl" had it in the bag), but I am really thankful and pleased. We also had a really favorable review written in Klaus at Gunpoint - The Film Journal: Christopher J. Garcia (who I met at the awards show) really liked the film and even likened my performance to that of Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, which was pretty bitchin'. I'm a big fan of Jamie Lee. (I even forgive him for misspelling her name.) The second surprise was that I was given a special award as "Community Player" for all the retweeting and social media posting I did about the festival. I didn't know there was an award for that! So that was also really cool.

Also also: I got to wear my beautiful satin skirt that I bought in Ashland! And despite spending most of the day in it and consuming two meals while wearing it, I didn't spill anything on it! Hooray!!

with my friend Norman (who won Best Cinematography for his film, "Come See The Lights"!)

Not everyone from our team could be there (including our director, who won Best Director as well as Best Film), but Evelyn Huynh (our masterful AD) accepted the award and got some much-deserved applause. 

Kyle, Erik, Evelyn, me, and Jen - Filmapalooza here we come!

Last night our costume designer came by our rehearsal for Love's Labour's Lost and I tried on another dress for my character. It fits, and my cohorts said it looked nice (there was no full-length mirror in the room we were using) but it's very form-fitting and hugs all my rolls. I'm gonna need some heavy-duty shapewear for this production. O_O and a serious boost of confidence (or I just need to not give a F...I gotta get working on that.) Skirts are very very short in this production, so we're all a bit nervous about our appearances.

Anyway. 

.....we won Best Film! Huzzah! :-D

Milestone (Whole65, Day 5)

I spent my lunch break at the San Jose DMV. And while it wasn't exactly a walk in the park (...I mean... it's the DMV), it wasn't nearly as hellish as I thought it would be. It helped that I'd made an appointment and was able to explain what I needed right away.

I went in to change my weight on my license and get a new photo taken.

While this certainly isn't the weight I'm going to stay forever, it's enough of a change that I thought it was time to get my ID updated. I've been told (more than once) by folks checking my ID that I should get a new one, and believe me, I've wanted a replacement photo since the moment this one was taken (photos like this are the reason there's a stereotype about ID photos being so ugly. It's bad. I'll show you when I can line it up next to the new one.) It was less expensive than I thought it would be ($27, since I wasn't due for renewal or new registration), and all I needed to change was my weight and the photo.

I lowballed the weight a bit, as I'd done on my older license. It's the American way, after all. :-p

Food and exercise have been fine; I ran the 60 minutes and felt like a death pancake afterwards but was proud of myself for sticking to it. Yesterday began the final week of the 5K210K running program. It was only a 15-minute run, and the GPS on my phone fudged up and didn't give me an accurate read on how fast or far I went, but I logged it anyway. Tomorrow and Friday are the final two runs, and the following week begins the training program for the half marathon. Dun dun dunnnnnn.

Rehearsals for Love's Labour's Lost continue to move apace. Tonight's our last rehearsal at the Armory in San Jose (where the company's offices are located); tomorrow night we move to the park! I'm excited and overwhelmed and I really, really wish it wasn't already so warm. This summer's going to be another hot one, I can already tell.

The show's really fun. I hope people enjoy watching it; I'm having a great time in it. And I can't wait to get started on Julius Caesar in another few weeks.

Things are feeling much better mind-wise, in general. I really do think eating more vegetables helps.

Auspicious Days (Whole65, Day 1)

Happy Friday the 13th.

Aside from a groaning headache (likely from foregoing caffeine yesterday, when I usually drink black coffee all day), I'm feeling all right. Got up, weighed in, took measurements.

I didn't lose as much water weight as I'd have liked yesterday, but in a way I guess that could be a good thing (?) because I might see more of a scale loss at the end of the 65 days.

The difference on the scale was 13 lbs, which is a combination of weight gain after Whole50 and the several-pound difference in scale calibration. It occurs to me I should test the difference tonight and re-record a few things. Or I could just call this last one a wash, pretend I gained 13lbs, and go from there. It throws off all my numbers anyway.

We'll see. For now I want to focus on eating nutritious healing foods.

OH! But the tape measure they sent me with my new scale? The cool one with the button that rolls the tape back up? I started with measuring my upper arm and was dismayed to see I'd gained an inch...then I noticed this...

Dude. Not Cool.

I was actually kind of relieved to see the error (it's missing the first inch and a half from the top of the tape) because I was thinking "ok I can understand not LOSING inches in my arms, but where the crap did the extra inch come from??" Hahaha...I tweeted the company.

Um.... @EatSmartScales? The tape measure you sent me is 1.5" short. Is this some kind of weird fitness trick? pic.twitter.com/N7ncUHUiiN

— Dana M. (@DanaCordelia) May 13, 2016

So, we'll see what they say, if anything. Maybe it's a negative-reinforcement thing for people crazy about weight loss. I still had my old tape measure (the new one was a freebie with the new scale) so it wasn't a huge deal. It was good to measure today, because even though change has been slow, I was able to compare those measurements to measurements from several months ago, and I have lost several inches around several areas. It helped to see that.

The coffee is helping too. I need more coffee.

I don't even know if I have specific goals for this Whole65, except perhaps to get back down to the last lowest weight on the Whole program which (does math in head) would mean 15 lbs.

Not impossible, although not likely. We'll see what happens with the doubled-down efforts, the lower carbs and the running.

Speaking of which, guess who finally remembered to wear her FitBit today?

It's going to be a better day than yesterday.

Let It Melt(down?) (Whole65, Day -1)

I suppose technically this would be Day 0, since I'll be starting tomorrow, but the way I ended up counting things out I'm calling this Day -1. Inconsistent and irrational, that's me.

I'm genuinely looking forward to being back on plan tomorrow. While I don't experience the orgasmic euphoria some people report while being on a Whole30, it's definitely better than the nastiness I've been feeling lately. Outside stressors are certainly a cause for concern with my mental and physical wellbeing, there's no denying that; however, I can't help but feel I'd be able to handle all this random bullshit a little better if I wasn't stuffing my face with delicious bread, sugar, cheese, and alcohol. I feel like someone's filled a 200-pound bag of pudding in me, and that it's left deposits in my belly, legs, face, and heart.

So, today, I'm hoping to kill some of the awful bloat and puffiness. Behold the ridiculous concoction of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper:

Snoopy, BB-8, and Kitthulu are suspicious

It's only for about 24 hours (since once the program begins I will be foregoing maple syrup), but it's a brief period meant to kill the taste of junk food from my mouth and hopefully promote some water weight loss. Some people stay on this lemonade thing for days, or a week, or something. I think I'd pass out from boredom after 36 hours (right before my teeth completely disintegrated).

This morning that damn plastic bottle FLEW out of my hand for no reason, spilling some of that stupidity all over me and the inside of my car as I was getting in. I practically had a temper tantrum getting it cleaned up and getting myself changed. My right foot is still sticky inside my shoe. It seems I can not have one single fucking uneventful attempt to do right by my fat ass. Ugh.

The number on the scale tomorrow is going to be discouraging, because:

1. I have likely gained more weight in the last couple of weeks than I've ever been able to lose in months of this stupid diet and exercise regime
2. The new scale is more accurate (closer to a doctor's scale) and will reflect higher numbers. This doesn't mean the losses recorded on the old rickety scale were inaccurate, just that the resulting weight in pounds was off
3. I have been depressed and pessimistic lately and thus any result whatsoever will be a disappointment

I am also heading to Target on my lunch break today, to purchase a full length mirror that I can attach to a door or something, in the hopes of giving myself a photo reference.

I'll be getting up early tomorrow to get weights and measures recorded. Not *all* of the measurements will be put up on the blog, but the important trackable ones will be, in order that I can demonstrate to any readers the progress (or lack thereof) possible on my particular routine.

Also-also, I will be running 60 minutes tomorrow. Not looking forward to that, but definitely looking forward to being finished with it and getting it off my plate. The following week is a "rest week" to finish up the 5K to 10K app (weird that it would end on a rest week), and then I start training with the Half Marathon app.

I have supplies in the fridge to make a big Whole30-friendly breakfast tomorrow, too. I like taking comfort in food and I'm glad to be able to do it with foods that are nutritious and will hopefully (please, PLEASE) help me reshape myself.

I don't want to end this prep-day entry on such a sour and salty note, so here are some good things which have happened lately:

The film I was in, Stonewood, was nominated for a bunch of awards at the 48 Hour Film Project. I was nominated for Best Actress again, and though I'll likely lose to Fantastagirl or the girl from Clear Lake, it's really cool to get a nod. Also, I'm 2 for 2 on nominations and years participating, so that's kind of cool. I'm hoping Stonewood wins Best Film and gets sent to more festivals.

Rehearsals for Love's Labour's Lost are going really well. I'm having fun with the cast and I think the production is going to be pretty great.

I met Alan Tudyk yesterday, and I didn't swoon or say anything completely stupid (that I can remember). He is just as handsome and charming in person as I already knew he was from years of watching his movies like a crazy fangirl.

Last night at rehearsal, I was called in to Amy (the costume designer)'s office to try on a dress. It's a very short black stretchy thing with 3/4 sleeves, and I have no idea what it looked like on me since there was no mirror, but it felt fine (aside from being too short) and she said it looked great. It was a medium. From Forever21. I've never even been able to shop in that store, let alone wear a medium.

We got free tshirts at work for the company's 20th anniversary, and mine's a medium.

So - for all that progress is mind-numbingly slow, it is being made. And I look forward to knuckling down and making more of it.

Back to work, and sipping weird lemonade. See you tomorrow.

Prep Week (Whole65, Day -4)

Happy Monday.

My breakfast this morning was technically Whole-Friendly: eggs, avocado, chicken sausage and Tabasco with coffee (always with the coffee). While I don't feel much different yet in terms of bloating and grossness, it was strangely comforting to eat that stuff. I guess my brain's convinced it's "good for me" so my heart is comforted by that. It's odd, because I typically associate "comfort food" with sugary or starchy things that aren't good for me.

Hopefully my brain and heart really are learning to love nutritious things.

I've been stressed out and melancholy lately, and I'm sure the sugar and alcohol hasn't helped. A few moments ago I was drafting an email, got distracted by my thoughts, and paused and put my head in my hands. I didn't notice anyone behind me until a coworker asked if I was ok, which *almost* startled the tears right out of me. I said I had a headache and there was no problem, and she actually went to the breakroom, got me some acetaminophen and a cup of water and brought them back to my desk. That *really* made me want to cry.

I feel like such a mess.

I considered doing the master cleanse lemonade thing this week to *really* beat the bloat, but I'm really not interested in drinking weird spicy-sweet lemon water for 4 days. I may just do it on Thursday (Day -1, which will actually be Day 0) to get some of the extra water weight off of me prior to the official weigh in on Day 1. Maybe. I haven't decided yet.

In the meantime, I brought my running gear to work and (...motherfucker...) I forgot to wear my FitBit. So the steps won't count, but the run will.

I'm such a mess.

A Week From Tomorrow (Whole65, Day -8)

My new scale arrived in an Amazon locker tonight. It actually came with a new tape measure, too, which is kind of cool.

Here is the information I'll be gathering the morning of Friday the 13th:

• Weight
• Inches
• Upper arm
• Bust
• Waist
• Hips
• Thigh
• Photo of face
• Photo of body full on
• Photo of body from the side

For the two last ones I'll need to figure out a full-length mirror of some kind. I'll be getting paid on the 12th so perhaps I can pick up a cheap one at Target or something.

I feel really ...puffy. And lethargic. Part of me is looking forward to feeling better and less bloated on this thing. Part of me is fighting off serious pessimism about the weight loss aspect.

I'm thinking I should make a spreadsheet of progress since I've been kind of bad about checking things beyond my weight.

Let's see if I can track down my previous measurements...

Storyboarding (Whole65, Day -10)

I'm planning for this next phase of weight loss and have been trying to learn more about how best to modify the Whole30 eating style to break my plateau. The results of the Whole50 were unacceptable, and I was exercising and following the plan, so clearly my body now has new requirements for getting this stubborn fat off.

It's mind-boggling how much the human body wants to hold on to excess fat. It's fucking amazing. On the one hand, how great that our hormones will literally change and our metabolisms slow down so that we can store additional fats for the long winters ahead. On the other hand, how fucking stupid does a human body have to be to not listen to THE HUMAN BRAIN reminding it that food is plentiful and we're giving it nutritious fuel and exercise in order to update its composition in the opposite direction?

This article about former contestants on The Biggest Loser provided some valuable insight about how, after losing significant weight, people's bodies burn hundreds fewer calories than another person of similar size. Mine seems to be doing the same thing: "I was happy being fat, and you took that away from me, so FUCK YOU I will defy physics and ignore the laws of nature and keep you fat no matter what you do, BITCH". It's difficult for me to not feel...stupidly...bullied by my own fat belly and ass. Like my body and my mind are on two different teams.

I know how stupid that sounds. I do. But fifty days and ZERO POUNDS? Unacceptable. Un-fucking-acceptable.

SO. Rant over (for now). How will I modify my future WholeSomethings to get me back on a winning (read: losing) streak to eventually bust out of "overweight" and into "average"?

1. Continue to focus on meat and vegetables (Basic Whole30 rules); eliminating the main "off" foods as I would with any Whole30)
1. Alcohol
2. Grains
3. Sugar or sweeteners
4. Dairy
5. Legumes
2. Eliminate, also, some of the "allowed" foods which may have impacted weight loss
1. Fruits higher in sugar, e.g. dates, bananas, grapes
2. Almond butter (should have done this a while ago...I've been using it as a peanut butter substitute and I love it, but this may very well be impacting my losses since I've been enjoying it with bananas)
3. Fruit juices and kombucha - while technically allowed, these are high in sugar, and lower total carbs may be what's required to get me where I need to be
4. White potatoes (not originally allowed on Whole30 anyway)
5. Sweet potatoes (allowed, and very nutrient-dense, but also very sugary)
6. Carrots (same deal as sweet potatoes)
3. Limit restaurant meals to once per week, if that
1. Meal planning and prep need to become a priority again (bonus - this will also help with saving money)
4. Wear my Vivera (Invisalign) retainers, which I now wear only at night, during the day as well. Hear me out: it'll keep me from snacking during the day and have the added benefit of keeping my teeth straight. Hey - I paid for them, I should be using them to their full effect!
5. Continue to learn to run. It may not have helped with weight loss during Whole50, but it can't hurt, and I need to be able to get through a half-marathon by September anyway since I paid for it.

So yeah. Basic Whole30 rules, minus a few additional foods; limiting dining out; wearing retainers; running.

If *that* doesn't work, my body and I need to have another fucking conversation and possibly involve a psychiatrist or a surgeon (or both).

Things I forgot to mention

On Wednesday night I smashed the living shit out of my left knee. It has made walking painful and running an impossibility, at least for the past week and probably the rest of this one. one of those combinations of how-could-I-be-so-stupid and the-universe-has-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me. I am taking care of it and being careful so it will heal and I can move on from that ridiculousness and get back to running.

I bought a couple of beautiful articles of clothing on the Ashland trip. They (technically) fit now, but I'd like them to fit more comfortably and look beautiful for a long time.

This skirt caught my eye in the store window - it has a castle on it!

It looked better back at the hotel with my blue sweater

We called this one "the dirndl" - please excuse the bra strap and the dirty mirror - it was designed by a pinup model!

I gained weight (likely both fat and water) on the trip. While we walked around a lot, we also ate and drank a lot. The food in Ashland was stupendous and I also seriously overpacked on snacks and booze.

And finally - the plays we saw were completely astounding. All five were good, but "Roe" in particular blew my mind to smithereens. It's going to change the world.

This week I'm eating in a more relaxed fashion but am slowly cleaning it up, working my way back to regular, until I begin the next 65-day stretch on Friday the 13th.

You read that right. And perhaps instead of a Whole65, I should call it something else. Like...Atkins Whole Experiment 65, or AWE65 for short. You think?

...nah. Whole65 is easier to remember.

Happy Tuesday.