Wholesome Thing (Whole25, Day 21)

I can't believe it took me this long to realize that "whole something" (wholesomething), as I've been calling my stints of Whole30-style eating, can also be read as "wholesome thing." Both of them work.

Kind of like one of my favorite riddles: "iamnowhere". It can either be "I Am Nowhere" or "I Am Now Here." I guess it's not really a riddle but more of a game of perspective. And it's resonated with me, particularly over the past year or so as I've been working hard to make change within myself.

Anyway. I'm on the home stretch of this Wholesome Thing and very much looking forward to some treats and rest over Christmas Weekend. A Christmas Carol has been a challenge, but the friends I have in the cast are a saving grace and can make me laugh like a maniac even when I'm ready to cry or throw a shoe otherwise.

I ran today with only music (not running an app to track my pace or distance.) I've run the Coyote Creek Trail so many times, I was comfortable mapping it in my head with landmarks instead of relying on the audio prompts from my phone. Still, it was a little weird to be in complete control and not check my phone sixty times towards the end to see if I could walk yet. I'd planned to turn around "at the end of the underpass" and stop running "at the sharp right turn headed back to work" so running towards that and not based on the electronic thing in my pocket was...different. Not better or worse, per se. But I kind of liked it. And I like the idea of being more in-control with my training. Now I'm feasting on chicken and green beans (hooray for slow cooker batch-cooking) and thinking about the big 15K in January. I'd like to be able to run the whole thing, even if my pace isn't as high as it was for the 10K in November. My right knee is feeling a little bit better as I run, too.

The world continues to baffle and scare me. There is so much good that is so easily overshadowed by hate and stupidity. It makes me appreciate my family, friends, work, and hobbies more. I have kind of a "I want to relish what I enjoy while I still can" attitude lately. It's helping me get through the greater crush of generalized depression. I'm hoping that the nutritious eating and continued exercise through running will also help.

Something Small (Whole25, Day 14)

I ran today. On the Coyote Creek Trail during my afternoon work break.

It isn't much, and my iPhone app spazzed out on me so I'm not sure how accurate any of my times were, but what matters to me is I ran.

I'll run again tomorrow. And the next day too.

I'm ok. I got this. I'm ok.

Moody and Blue (and red and green). (Whole25, Day 11)

I like the number 11. So, as stupid as this may sound, it cheered me up a little to check my calendar and see that today's Day 11 of this Whole25.

I've been feeling fairly disgusting lately - the eating is going all right, but I haven't been exercising regularly and with the show at night I haven't been wearing makeup to work; after piling the Ben Nye onto my face in the evenings my skin is acting out again, and my hair just feels greasy and nasty no matter what I do, and monthly girl-time has just left me feeling gross and bloated and awful.

My experience this year with A Christmas Carol was vastly different than it was the past two years. Granted, a lot of it probably had to do with my moods and state of mind (which have not been altogether positive in the last few weeks considering my extremely disenchanted revelations about my country and the --continuous, unending, daily-- farcical announcements of who's being brought along in the steaming dumptruck of regress making its way to the White House.) This year's director is much-beloved by many people whom I care about, and respect. This was my first time working with him in any capacity. It's lonesome feeling like I can't vent about the experience at the risk of offending people on the other side of the table (or those who love them.) But it happens sometimes. And I guess it's important - I have been very spoiled on past projects, and not every theatrical experience is going to be great. I knew that, but I'd forgotten it. And my own shitty attitude has not helped matters lately. At least the show is open now. We've had two performances so far, and with tonight, Saturday and Sunday we'll have five under our belts, then two much-needed nights off before starting the second weekend. I have a feeling I'll be feeling much more positive after Sunday's matinee. And I should point out that there are numerous people in this cast who are both incredibly good friends, great performers, and ridiculously funny people to boot. That has been massively helpful.

I haven't bought groceries or batch-cooked in...god, I don't know how long. I've been eating a lot of grocery-store "snack" lunches, and Chipotle salads. It burns through my food budget much faster than I would like. I think, I need to just make a long list, hit the store, and spend an afternoon cooking, but then I look at my calendar and think and when are you planning on doing that, stupid? I feel like I'm booked wall-to-wall.

I *think* I will have time to hit the grocery store tomorrow between my 3:30 end time for the fundraiser where I'm assisting, and my 6:30 call time for A Christmas Carol. I won't have time to actually COOK anything, mind you. But I can at least get the groceries. Then maybe...I don't know, get up early on Sunday before the matinee and try and cook as much as possible? Sunday evening I have rehearsal in Gilroy, so it can't be afterwards. And I really do need to be better about going to bed on time and getting adequate sleep.

Usually when I'm on a WholeSomething my moods are more even-keeled. I wonder if my bitchery has built up an immunity to my nutritious diet, the way bacteria can build up an immunity to certain antibiotics.

Here is a list of things I would like to accomplish in the next week:

• Pack lunches (and dinners when needed) for each workday
• Do a training run on my lunch break each day at work, on the Coyote Creek trail
• Finish at least 2 more books to stay on track for my 2016 reading goal
• Send the director/ producer my bio for The Country House (I'm already several days late on this; I should do it right after I post this blog entry)
• Write the blog entry for the Super Heroes Half
• Write the blog entry for the Turkey Trot 10K
• Order Christmas presents on Amazon
• Stay positive (or at least calm) for the next full weekend of Christmas Carol and resist the temptation to bitch, moan, or snark, even internally

I look at this list and it looks like a lot, but it's not too scary...actually, I feel a little better looking at it and I think I can get this done in a week. Some of it I can do immediately.

Side note before I wrap this up: thank you, thank you, MY HEARTFELT THANKS TO YOU, Kristina of Kristina Running, for recommending the podcast My Dad Wrote a Porno to me. It has provided me big silly loud laughs when I needed them the very most.

Two race recaps on their way. I miss Ambien. I had a huge breakfast-for-lunch and I'm not sorry.

Happy Friday.