I feel unhinged, unglued, and undone. Anxiety and stress have been very high with me, yesterday and today, and last night I had a pretty bad attack that left me feeling pretty much dead (and looking like a sick frog) this morning.
Then again, it's Friday the 13th. Which could also explain the ridiculously bad run I had today. I had to slow to a walk at several "jog" intervals, which ...I can't even remember the last time I've had to do that. Plus my water bottle messed up my tube belt, which rode up uncomfortably, and (the coup de grâce): my running capris were pretty much translucent, so the pattern of my underwear was clearly visible on my ass. So naturally, of fucking course, there were more people fucking wandering the trail than I have ever seen in my life before. Including one massive beefy dude who rode by me on a motorized bike (not quite a moped...no idea what it's called. The point is, he did not exist until today when my underwear was visible).
I ran (sort of), anyway. I'm at the point where the one and only thing I can control is my own behavior, so even if I didn't run or jog the whole time, I had to finish the damn workout. Which I did. And I felt (and still feel) like garbage. But I think I feel better than I would have, had I quit and turned around or simply not gone out on the trail at all.
I wonder if anyone else finds themselves more superstitious (and semi-religious, even) when their anxiety goes this insane. I feel like I can't be the only one.
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