You might want to get a drink and a snack, because this post is long AF.
Firstly, I heard back about LIZZIE: The Musical and was not cast in that, although the casting assistant (with whom I've worked before and who is pretty great), was complimentary and friendly. It didn't feel like a form rejection and it didn't break my heart (this was a super long shot anyway, but I would have kicked myself if I hadn't tried out for it. I did not expect a callback so I had walkaway power from the beginning.)
I felt like I was waiting on pins and needles for ages about the Shakespeare season. A week prior, I'd had a disappointing callback for Hamlet, which *did* break my heart (you know that feeling in theatre where you didn't do anything "wrong", and you worked really hard and felt like you were bringing something cool to the table, but no one noticed or cared and they were basically rushing you through to "get past" you and see the people they really wanted to see? Yeah...). I drove home crying from that callback. I knew I wasn't being considered for a major role, and at that point I thought it was pretty pie-in-the-sky to hope to get cast at all.
The callbacks for Sherlock Holmes and the Adventure of the Suicide Club were the same day as Hamlet (and interspersed throughout the different readings, I assume in the interest of time.) Many women were called back for both shows (their Hamlet is an all-female cast) so the Sherlock director indicated he'd be watching the other reads as well so he could get an idea of people's reading abilities. No big deal. I was asked to read the two sides I'd been given in advance, and both times I read with readers (meaning, volunteers who get up and read against you but who are NOT actors being considered alongside you for casting purposes). For this reason, I assumed I was only being vaguely considered. Typically women are read alongside their male counterparts to see if they "look right" as a pair onstage. There are more women than men, so the women are generally cast to "match" the men, and not the other way around. I'm not a huge fan of it, but it happens pretty much a hundred percent of the time, so whatever. Again - I wasn't expecting anything and was happy just to read for, and be seen by, the director. They were fun scenes to read, and I knew both volunteers so we had a good time with it.
Flash forward a week to The Merry Wives of Windsor callbacks. These were much more crowded, to my surprise, which meant fewer opportunities to read and be seen. But I love the play, and of the three plays this season I felt most confident about my chances of being cast in this one. It's their outreach (free to the public) production, at the public park in San Jose, and I'd performed in the outreach show the last two years so I figured if anything, I'd be placed there again. The reads were fun, but nothing to write home about. At least I felt like the director and AD were watching me, and occasionally they laughed when our scenes took a funny turn. So, I didn't expect anything major but I figured they always need people for the outreach show, and I'm loud and not above manual labor, so...yeah.
My LIZZIE: The Musical audition was that same afternoon, after Merry Wives. Turns out my belting mix isn't as strong as I'd hoped, lol. But it motivates me to seek additional vocal training, which can't hurt, in any case.
I heard back first about LIZZIE. News started trickling in from other people about the Shakespeare season, but it was very staggered. I hadn't heard and hadn't heard, and then it occurred to me that I might be slotted as a second or third choice for a role (that they were waiting to hear back from someone, and that if that someone turned them down, their role would be offered to me.) Still nothing. And then, a couple of Fridays ago, I got the offer email and I seriously felt like my heart would explode (I still get as excited about casting news at 32 as I did when I was 9...I don't know that it will ever change.)
I was offered the role of Christiane in Sherlock Holmes and the Adventure of the Suicide Club.
If you don't know the play, this character is very much the damsel archetype, very beautiful and tragic and French. It's basically the type of role I'm never considered for, since childhood (mentioned in, I believe, the very first entry of this blog.)
And it was like my brain was split in two: one side was going "Oh holy crap! YAY! That's amazing, that never EVER happens, how freaking cool, this is going to be so fun"
And the other side was going ".......no Shakespeare? Really? Fuck..."
I'd let my ego run away from me, and thus robbed myself of walkaway power. I took it for granted that they'd want me in at least one (if not both) Shakespeares. That was the wrong thing to do, and it was something *I* did wrong and I recognize that (nobody did me any injustice, no one robbed me of anything, no one denied me something I'd earned.) But it still stung pretty hard.
Of course I accepted Christiane, but not without nervousness. Remember, I had not read against any men that they were considering for the show, and this character has a love interest (one of the main non-Holmes characters in the plot). How was that going to shake out?
Well, our first day in Seattle, I found out - we finally got a full cast list (which I promptly swapped with friends for the full lists of Hamlet and Merry Wives, because come on...that's what you do). Sherlock has what appears to be a really good solid cast. Lots of people I know, a few people I adore and am super excited to perform with again (including Barb Heninger, who played The Soothsayer in Julius Caesar last summer and whom I've known for years - she is incredible).
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| Barb and me as Soothsayer and Portia, Julius Caesar 2016 |
It's one of the things I was concerned about when I initially read the role with readers - had they read me against this actor I don't think they would have considered me. So on the one hand, it's a great opportunity and one I wouldn't otherwise have. On the other, I have a sinking feeling that we'll get to the first rehearsal and they'll realize their mistake in casting me, and that they're basically stuck with me.
It's 99.9% likely this is all in my head. But I think we all know there's a smidge of truth in it. Sigh.
In any case, I am motivated to do everything within my power to make this role, and the production, shine: I've studied and written out my lines (I bought the script to read last year in order to prep for auditions), I've restarted my Duolingo in French (where I was previously just practicing my Spanish) and I tested up to a higher intermediate level than I thought, which was kind of cool. I've also downloaded and been studying Gillian Lane-Plescia's French Accents for Actors (if anyone out there needs help with dialects, GLP IS THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS.)
I want to be off-book and phonetically correct by the table read. If I'm feeling saucy, I want to be memorized in French as well as English (although after years of no practice, my interpretation skills are pretty crap.)
For all that I feel not-beautiful-enough, and for all that I was disappointed to not be performing in a Shakespeare play this summer,...
I am happy and excited and terrified to take on the challenge of playing Christiane in Sherlock Holmes. I'm eagerly prepping, and impatient for rehearsals to begin mid-June. I'm grateful that someone thought I could take on this role. I'm thankful to be included in their season. I'm overjoyed to be returning to Sanborn Park.
And I am *very* motivated to continue with my health and fitness efforts. 💖
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