Feeling Like Garbage. (Whole40, Day 7)

Sunday's long run was nine miles, and it was just...awful. Some of the slowest, most angry and annoyed plodding and shuffling I've ever done, I felt sick and heavy and exhausted afterwards (almost as though I had the flu), and everything hurt.

Since then I've sought the advice of some friends who are more experienced and confident runners, and have received support and tips that I think will really help. I'm going to experiment with timing, and with eating before and during runs, to see what works best for me.

Then today I went to Target to get some more WholeSomething-friendly snacks for my desk, and I passed a clearance rack that had Bermuda shorts on it. I took them into the changing room to try them on, and they fit fine, except for that annoying butt-gap at the waistband. Does anyone else experience this with pants sometimes? Like, the waistband will lay flat all around the belly area but when it gets to your back (just above your butt) the fabric gaps out, giving everyone behind you and taller than you a clear view of your underwear. Pointless, and super annoying. I was a little miffed, since the shorts looked fine otherwise and I was pleased they fit - then I turned in the mirror and noticed something weird on my knees.

(No, I'm not posting a picture. I considered taking one, but then I found myself almost in tears, so I didn't.)

As a holdover from being heavier I have these weird little pockets of fat on my inner knees, right where the thigh meets the knee joint. I don't like them and I'm hoping with the continued exercise they'll diminish. But typically when I stand up straight they aren't as noticeable.

HOWEVER. Because I was turning and moving in the mirror thanks to the waistband issue in these shorts, I noticed that if my knees were bent (AT ALL) there was this massive crease from my thigh through my knee, almost to my calf. Like a combination of the extra adipose tissue and the slightly looser skin going "HELLO LOOK AT ME PLEASE NOTICE ME".

It's a stupid thing to get upset about. I know this. I'm not proud of it. But seriously - what the fuck, knees?

Immediately my brain began going over all the things I've worn in the last month that end above my knees. SO MANY THINGS. Including one of my costumes for JC, although I take comfort in the fact that I wear heavy-duty support stockings during that show.

Just. I mean. ...really? UGH.

Perhaps my body's getting used to less sugar again, or perhaps I'm PMS-ing really hard. I don't know. But I'm just. Ugh. I feel disgusting.

Thank goodness today's a rest day and I have the evening off. I'm going to try and go to bed early. Sleep helps sometimes.