So...
I've been feeling a bit dead on my feet lately. Not sure if it's because of girl time, because of sugar withdrawal from going back on-plan, from more physical exertion, or from the iso (it feels weird to use a defunct brand name, so instead of "Accutane" or "isotretinoin" I'll just call it "iso" and hope it catches on. I'm hip like that).
It may also be the depression. I don't quite go Melancholia-level catatonic, but I've been in and out of these periodic dips often enough to recognize when my body and mind just want to hide in a blanket fort, turn off my phone, and dream of faraway adventures.
Speaking of which, my dreams have been very strange lately. I can only remember little bits and pieces, but I wake up going "omigod that was insane" and watching the images recede into my subconscious as though into a black hole, so that by the time I find a pen to write down what I'd been dreaming it's completely gone and I'm left with a confused and frustrated...aftertaste. I'm sure there's a better word than that, but I hope you'll forgive me: I'm exhausted.
As far as the iso goes, I haven't really noticed any changes in the first four days. I've been babying my face with moisturizer and heavy-duty lip balm, but it looks and feels the same as it usually does (maybe a BIT more flakey? It's been dry for a long time...). It's probably because this introductory dose is so low. It'll likely get bumped up to nuclear levels in the coming months.
It is very good I'm back on plan...in the last few weeks I'd noticed that I was tending to drink more and more booze when going out with friends (and even when home by myself before bed)...and my tolerance is pretty low anyway, so the shame and "oh GOD what stupid thing have I gone and said now" were raging. I'm off booze for Whole70, but also likely for the duration of the iso, because apparently it lowers your tolerance...and when a single cocktail renders me Zelda Fitzgerald, I'm guessing I should just not touch the stuff while my liver's processing all this Vitamin A. Just a hunch.
I need a blanket fort.
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