Monday, August 31, 2015

Something I've Noticed (Whole40, Day 9)

The second weekend of performances is complete for Spelling Bee, and for the most part I'm really pleased with how it's been going. I definitely wish the theatre was air-conditioned...Sunday's matinee was so hot already, coupled with the lights and the 3 pounds of makeup and fake lashes, I was sweating something awful.

But, my voice has held up (it felt much stronger than this weekend than it did during opening, after a week of brutal tech rehearsals) and I'm getting laughs on my jokes. Rona is a fun part to play and I'm proud of the work I've done.

Each night we do a quick receiving line-style greeting with the audience, and I have gotten some positive feedback.

The majority of which has been on my appearance.

It's the strangest thing. It isn't good or bad (although it's certainly different). And that's not to say I don't get feedback on things like my facial expressions, or my voice. But for example, years ago when I performed in Fiddler on the Roof as Golde, I was spoiled with praise about my voice. It felt like everyone who saw the show came up to me and complimented my singing, and I felt like a total celebrity. For Spelling Bee, I feel like my vocal performance is even stronger, and a few people have been kind enough to remark on my voice...but for every one comment I get about my voice I have received at least two or three about how I look.

Friends of mine, acquaintances, former coworkers and castmates*, have hugged me and said "you look amazing!" or "You looked so awesome up there!" "You're gorgeous!" "I almost didn't recognize you!"

All of which is really nice and blushy to hear. It's unusual for me (but then I very rarely wear this much makeup, or form-fitting clothing, or high heels, for that matter). I just found it kind of odd that they'd make those comments and not follow it up with "and good job on that performance that I just witnessed, as well". Maybe the "looking amazing" also included a good performance, at which they were looking. It doesn't matter much.

*The anomale was one director friend in particular, who (like me) is very judgy and analytical about theatre in general. He gave me really wonderful feedback on my performance and it seriously made my night.

One compliment in particular, which kind of threw me, wasn't even told to me directly. One of the owners of the company was schmoozing with a group of their subscribers, and she recounted their conversation to me:

"The ladies were asking me, 'Who is that woman playing the head of the spelling bee?' And I said 'Oh, that's Dana M___, she's from the San Jose area,' and they asked where they might have seen you before. I said 'As a matter of fact, she performed in Avenue Q with us in 2014' - at which point they cut me off and all yelled 'Oh! The Slut!!'"

Point of fact: this is not an insult or slight. I played a character called Lucy the Slut.

"And we all laughed, and they remembered you. And then one of them said,

'I guess I didn't realize she was so pretty.'"

Honestly, this made me feel good. And then I felt guilty for feeling good. I do look kind of different than I did in 2014...also Lucy the Slut is a puppet character, so if I was doing my job properly then they wouldn't have been looking much at me during the show.

I do want people to think I'm pretty. I do want to be noticed when I make an effort to look nice. I can't deny that. But I think being spoiled on the more personal and insightful comments (having to do with my abilities as opposed to my appearance) have made me want both.

Being a semi-talented performer with a non-remarkable body and face meant that the majority of feedback I received was on the work I did. If and when I reach goal weight and find an appearance I'm truly happy with, that may change. Or, I may need to work much harder for people to notice I'm actually good.

And I'm all right with this. It's just something I noticed, is all.

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