Nightmare (Whole50, Day 6)

Last night I went to bed at a (slightly more) reasonable hour...and promptly had one of the more disturbing nightmares I've had in a long time.

It was very vivid and really upsetting, and even in the dream universe (where I believed events were really unfolding) I was thinking "this is going to seriously mess my mind up."

I jolted awake around 1AM...I'm not sure if it was something in the dream or if there was a noise or a cat stepped on me or what. I checked the time and remembered being kind of relieved that it wasn't, say, 5 or 6. I was able to get back to sleep after that but didn't feel really rested. Getting up was still hard.

Getting up every day has been extra sucky lately. I'm not sure why. I'm going to make an effort to get to bed earlier.

For some reason I feel bigger, not smaller, during this Whole50. I catch glimpses of myself in windows or mirrors as I pass and I think my face and belly look chubbier than they did a few weeks ago, or even at Christmas. I can't figure out what the deal is. It's frustrating but I am trying very hard to be good to myself no matter what I look like.

Yesterday I completed the second 5K to 10K workout, which included a "tempo run." The app described it as a "hard but controlled" pace. Which is kind of strange, because right now for me just jogging feels hard but controlled. I felt like I was working harder on the tempo run part than I was on the regular jogging part, although the change wasn't very dramatic. But I averaged a 10:41-minute mile during the workout, which is an improvement. So, little steps towards success.

I registered for the (official) Color Run in San Jose this May. By then I hope to have completed the 5K to 10K workouts and be training using the 10K to Half app; my friend Ashley and I are planning on going to Paris for the first Disneyland Paris Half Marathon. ...I know. I'm pretty sure this in itself is a weird dream and my nightmare from last night was some kind of inception-style dream within a dream.

Food's the same. Good, not difficult, just boring sometimes. Drinking lots of coffee...made a dentist appt for next week and am planning on asking Dr. Casey for some more of that whitening gel I used last time.

My brain's pretty fried today. Thankfully, things are a little quieter at work. Going to go for a walk later and continue with the audiobooks.