Let It Melt(down?) (Whole65, Day -1)

I suppose technically this would be Day 0, since I'll be starting tomorrow, but the way I ended up counting things out I'm calling this Day -1. Inconsistent and irrational, that's me.

I'm genuinely looking forward to being back on plan tomorrow. While I don't experience the orgasmic euphoria some people report while being on a Whole30, it's definitely better than the nastiness I've been feeling lately. Outside stressors are certainly a cause for concern with my mental and physical wellbeing, there's no denying that; however, I can't help but feel I'd be able to handle all this random bullshit a little better if I wasn't stuffing my face with delicious bread, sugar, cheese, and alcohol. I feel like someone's filled a 200-pound bag of pudding in me, and that it's left deposits in my belly, legs, face, and heart.

So, today, I'm hoping to kill some of the awful bloat and puffiness. Behold the ridiculous concoction of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper:

Snoopy, BB-8, and Kitthulu are suspicious

It's only for about 24 hours (since once the program begins I will be foregoing maple syrup), but it's a brief period meant to kill the taste of junk food from my mouth and hopefully promote some water weight loss. Some people stay on this lemonade thing for days, or a week, or something. I think I'd pass out from boredom after 36 hours (right before my teeth completely disintegrated).

This morning that damn plastic bottle FLEW out of my hand for no reason, spilling some of that stupidity all over me and the inside of my car as I was getting in. I practically had a temper tantrum getting it cleaned up and getting myself changed. My right foot is still sticky inside my shoe. It seems I can not have one single fucking uneventful attempt to do right by my fat ass. Ugh.

The number on the scale tomorrow is going to be discouraging, because:

1. I have likely gained more weight in the last couple of weeks than I've ever been able to lose in months of this stupid diet and exercise regime
2. The new scale is more accurate (closer to a doctor's scale) and will reflect higher numbers. This doesn't mean the losses recorded on the old rickety scale were inaccurate, just that the resulting weight in pounds was off
3. I have been depressed and pessimistic lately and thus any result whatsoever will be a disappointment

I am also heading to Target on my lunch break today, to purchase a full length mirror that I can attach to a door or something, in the hopes of giving myself a photo reference.

I'll be getting up early tomorrow to get weights and measures recorded. Not *all* of the measurements will be put up on the blog, but the important trackable ones will be, in order that I can demonstrate to any readers the progress (or lack thereof) possible on my particular routine.

Also-also, I will be running 60 minutes tomorrow. Not looking forward to that, but definitely looking forward to being finished with it and getting it off my plate. The following week is a "rest week" to finish up the 5K to 10K app (weird that it would end on a rest week), and then I start training with the Half Marathon app.

I have supplies in the fridge to make a big Whole30-friendly breakfast tomorrow, too. I like taking comfort in food and I'm glad to be able to do it with foods that are nutritious and will hopefully (please, PLEASE) help me reshape myself.

I don't want to end this prep-day entry on such a sour and salty note, so here are some good things which have happened lately:

The film I was in, Stonewood, was nominated for a bunch of awards at the 48 Hour Film Project. I was nominated for Best Actress again, and though I'll likely lose to Fantastagirl or the girl from Clear Lake, it's really cool to get a nod. Also, I'm 2 for 2 on nominations and years participating, so that's kind of cool. I'm hoping Stonewood wins Best Film and gets sent to more festivals.

Rehearsals for Love's Labour's Lost are going really well. I'm having fun with the cast and I think the production is going to be pretty great.

I met Alan Tudyk yesterday, and I didn't swoon or say anything completely stupid (that I can remember). He is just as handsome and charming in person as I already knew he was from years of watching his movies like a crazy fangirl.

Last night at rehearsal, I was called in to Amy (the costume designer)'s office to try on a dress. It's a very short black stretchy thing with 3/4 sleeves, and I have no idea what it looked like on me since there was no mirror, but it felt fine (aside from being too short) and she said it looked great. It was a medium. From Forever21. I've never even been able to shop in that store, let alone wear a medium.

We got free tshirts at work for the company's 20th anniversary, and mine's a medium.

So - for all that progress is mind-numbingly slow, it is being made. And I look forward to knuckling down and making more of it.

Back to work, and sipping weird lemonade. See you tomorrow.