Something I've Noticed (Whole40, Day 9)

The second weekend of performances is complete for Spelling Bee, and for the most part I'm really pleased with how it's been going. I definitely wish the theatre was air-conditioned...Sunday's matinee was so hot already, coupled with the lights and the 3 pounds of makeup and fake lashes, I was sweating something awful.

But, my voice has held up (it felt much stronger than this weekend than it did during opening, after a week of brutal tech rehearsals) and I'm getting laughs on my jokes. Rona is a fun part to play and I'm proud of the work I've done.

Each night we do a quick receiving line-style greeting with the audience, and I have gotten some positive feedback.

The majority of which has been on my appearance.

It's the strangest thing. It isn't good or bad (although it's certainly different). And that's not to say I don't get feedback on things like my facial expressions, or my voice. But for example, years ago when I performed in Fiddler on the Roof as Golde, I was spoiled with praise about my voice. It felt like everyone who saw the show came up to me and complimented my singing, and I felt like a total celebrity. For Spelling Bee, I feel like my vocal performance is even stronger, and a few people have been kind enough to remark on my voice...but for every one comment I get about my voice I have received at least two or three about how I look.

Friends of mine, acquaintances, former coworkers and castmates*, have hugged me and said "you look amazing!" or "You looked so awesome up there!" "You're gorgeous!" "I almost didn't recognize you!"

All of which is really nice and blushy to hear. It's unusual for me (but then I very rarely wear this much makeup, or form-fitting clothing, or high heels, for that matter). I just found it kind of odd that they'd make those comments and not follow it up with "and good job on that performance that I just witnessed, as well". Maybe the "looking amazing" also included a good performance, at which they were looking. It doesn't matter much.

*The anomale was one director friend in particular, who (like me) is very judgy and analytical about theatre in general. He gave me really wonderful feedback on my performance and it seriously made my night.

One compliment in particular, which kind of threw me, wasn't even told to me directly. One of the owners of the company was schmoozing with a group of their subscribers, and she recounted their conversation to me:

"The ladies were asking me, 'Who is that woman playing the head of the spelling bee?' And I said 'Oh, that's Dana M___, she's from the San Jose area,' and they asked where they might have seen you before. I said 'As a matter of fact, she performed in Avenue Q with us in 2014' - at which point they cut me off and all yelled 'Oh! The Slut!!'"

Point of fact: this is not an insult or slight. I played a character called Lucy the Slut.

"And we all laughed, and they remembered you. And then one of them said,

'I guess I didn't realize she was so pretty.'"

Honestly, this made me feel good. And then I felt guilty for feeling good. I do look kind of different than I did in 2014...also Lucy the Slut is a puppet character, so if I was doing my job properly then they wouldn't have been looking much at me during the show.

I do want people to think I'm pretty. I do want to be noticed when I make an effort to look nice. I can't deny that. But I think being spoiled on the more personal and insightful comments (having to do with my abilities as opposed to my appearance) have made me want both.

Being a semi-talented performer with a non-remarkable body and face meant that the majority of feedback I received was on the work I did. If and when I reach goal weight and find an appearance I'm truly happy with, that may change. Or, I may need to work much harder for people to notice I'm actually good.

And I'm all right with this. It's just something I noticed, is all.

It's All in the Eyes (Whole40, Day 6)

This week went by entirely too fast, haha...a lot went on despite having no rehearsals. We're back to performing tonight and have our first matinee this Sunday (I like matinees in general but in this theatre it can get pretty stuffy and hot, so let's hope for cooler temperatures, please!)

This morning I returned to my eye doctor for the first time in...man, I don't even know how long. Now that I have proper insurance again (thank cats), I'm scheduling myself to see my opthamologist, a (new) regular doctor and OB/Gyn, my dentist (whom I love but who is going to HATE ME because it's been probably 2 years since I've had my teeth cleaned...sigh).

The first appointment was today, and it was really good to see Dr. Folkers again. He's been my eye doctor since I was a kid (he's my mom's, too). He's about seven feet tall and skinny as a rail, makes "dad jokes" and is generally just a great doctor. My eye prescription hasn't changed since last time, but we agreed the best way to use my new insurance was to have my covered "lenses" be my new eyeglasses, and for me to save up and purchase contacts from a cheaper source like Costco or something as a backup.

So...I'm getting new glasses! The last time I got glasses was back in Portland in the late oughties. I loved those frames so much...but alas, when I moved back to California they somehow got lost in the shuffle and it broke my little heart. I've been wearing contact lenses ever since.

2008?...2007? I can't remember. Sigh...such cute glasses. Too-bright flash.

I'm hoping my new ones (similar shape, black plastic) will look just as nice. I'm a firm believer in the "the second I get a new one the lost one will turn up" paradox, so...part of me looks forward to seeing the old ones again as soon as the doctor calls to let me know the new ones are in. --from Portland, no less!

The Gift (Whole40, Day 4)

A few friends and Panda and I went to $5 movie night at the Drive-In last night and saw "The Gift". It was better than I'd anticipated, but still super creepy. Not everyone liked it as much as I did (or at all), and I could understand that. It's a bit...much in the creep department.

Also it's hard to see Jason Bateman playing someone not particularly likeable. Several references were made (by us) about how there's always money in the banana stand.

Whole40 is going ok. There have been temptations...my friend Vanessa bought a big box of cookies to share at the Drive-In and I could probably have eaten the whole box. And I find I miss unwinding with a drink (I never thought I drank that much...who would have thought wine and liquor would be something I missed more than bread and cookies?

Well, most cookies. Brownies might be at the top of my list. Geez, keep it together, Dana.

Sunday and Monday I got all my steps in, last night I got about half. Tonight I'm going to get all of them and hopefully some more. Panda's been walking with me, which is nice. He's still considering doing a Whole30 (starting on my Day 11), but I don't know how much research he's done yet. I'm trading my friend back for It Starts With Food tonight so he can read that, but I've also recommended the website to him 40 or 50 times so hopefully he gives it a look. :-)

I made a Travel Wish List for myself, of places I want to see and things I want to do. I feel like I'll never save enough money to do it all, but I'm working on it.

Fun travel coming up includes Portland in October, Vegas right afterwards, and Disneyland in February. After that, who knows. I'm hoping Panda and I can schedule a big trip in June, somewhere beachy and all-inclusive with a swim up bar.

Just keep swimming. And walking. And penny-pinching.

Off to the Races (Whole40, Day 1)

Opening weekend is complete for Spelling Bee, and it went well. Last night was the best I've felt about a run as Rona, and I'm very happy to have had awesome friends in the audience on Friday and Saturday. I received some very much appreciated positive feedback. One good friend in particular nearly brought me to tears last night. It was a good night.

This morning I weighed in (after sleeping in) and was happy to see I had only gained back a couple of pounds on my days off.

The weight loss goal for this Whole40 (remember...this one is bifaceted with the Whole-eating plan and daily exercise) is 15 lbs. I figure it's ambitious without being ridiculous.

I planned out the rest of my year as well - this Whol40 will end before my trip to Oregon for my stepbrother's wedding and my Vegas trip with Panda. The day after we return, I've signed up for the ArtsWalk 5K again so that'll be Day One of my longest WholeSomething, a Whole75 which will end right before Christmas.

Then in 2016 I'd like to do a Whole100. Not during our Disney trip, obviously ;-) But perhaps upon our return! I'll figure something out.

Panda has expressed an interest in doing a Whole30 with me, which makes me happy and proud.

Exercise plan:

Sunday: 60 minutes of cardio (walking, jogging, elliptical machine, etc)
Monday: 30 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes of weight lifting (upper body 1 week, lower body the next)
Tuesday: 60 minutes of cardio
Wednesday: 30 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes of weight lifting (lower body 1 week, upper body the next)
Thursday: 60 minutes of cardio
Friday: 30 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes of weight lifting (upper body 1 week, lower body the next)
Saturday: 30-60 minutes of light cardio, like walking (less intense than the rest of the week)

And we're off!

Opening Night! (Whole40, Day -2)

While I admit it's been nice to enjoy a few M&Ms and a glass of almond Champagne (ohmygod that stuff is so yummy) for the last couple of days, I have to say it's made me pretty paranoid about my costume for Spelling Bee. My friend Liz (who is both taller and slimmer than myself) loaned me a beautiful Ralph Lauren dress to wear, and even with Spanx and tights underneath I feel like every pudge and roll is on full display.

Still, I'm excited to get this show in front of an official audience. We previewed last night (tradition at this company is that the cast and crew of the previous show, becomes the preview audience; this means that we'll be the preview audience of their next show in the fall) and people seemed to really like us. The one big hiccup was that at the top of the show, on my entrance, the spotlight came on and immediately popped out (I guess the bulb was on its last legs anyway). So the first little moment was in the dark, but it wasn't a big deal. ...a slightly different hiccup was that the stage had been painted earlier in the day and was still kind of tacky, so I spent the first few minutes of the show thinking I'd either stepped in something, or melted my character shoes in this damn heat.

The film I acted in earlier this month, for the 48 Hour Film Festival, also premiered last night. A friend who saw it texted that I'd done well, which felt pretty good! I wish I could see the finished product. Soon, I hope.

Also: it's finally Friday! Hooray!! Next week I have my evenings off before Evita rehearsals get under way, DOUBLE HOORAY!

Phase One Results.

Well, the tweaked Whole30 was successful. I lost weight and inches (yes, I remembered to record both this morning!). I didn't get under 200, but I'm at 204 (5 lbs lower than the last WholeSomething,) and 16lbs lower than Day 1/30.

Which means that, as long as I'm disciplined about only having a few days before this next WholeSomething, I'll be under 200 by the end of it. Hooray.

I checked all my weight logs on my phone, and here are the stats:

Since January 1, 2012 (or whenever, before I started getting serious about weight loss again) I have lost 81 lbs

Since September 15, 2014 (when I tried logging all my food intake on a Google Docs spreadsheet, which was a giant pain in the ass but helped a bit) I have lost exactly 50 lbs

Since January 18, 2015 (Day 1 of my very first Whole30 Adventure, as cataloged on this blog) I've lost 45 lbs

So! My weight has fluctuated but gone down significantly overall. While there's still a long way to go, the under-200 milestone is very close, and after that, it's just 15 lbs until the down-100-pounds milestone. Both of those are very motivating and will help me get my ass in gear for Phase Two.

Phase Two will again involve periods of WholeSomethings, as Phase One has (to my count, I've done 3 Whole30s, a Whole45, and a Whole50). It will also be coupled with non-negotiable exercise.

So basically in addition to the food choices (which are now coming much easier and more habitually, and which I don't think will be a problem for longer WholeSomethings), the challenge for Phase Two will be daily exercise sessions with the intention of building some lean muscle and - primarily - kickstarting the weight loss again.

Next WholeSomething will be a Whole40, which I admit is a strange number but it's the number of days between this Sunday and my stepbrother's wedding (...and our trip to Vegas...) and I'd like to be able to have alcohol on both of those trips. Attending my friends' weddings during this last Whole30 (and not being able to drink) was still awesome, and it wasn't a big deal to pass on Champagne, but I do like the festive ceremony of it all. And, it'll be good to share a glass of wine with my dad and uncle again, both of whom have great taste in wine. (And I haven't seen my dad in too long!!)

So basically, today and tomorrow are Treat Days. Friday and Saturday I'll be calming down a bit, back to the basic foods but still having a final Treat Meal with Jen on Saturday (chicken and waffles, here we come) and then Sunday begins Whole40, the first WholeSomething of Phase Two.

Phase One (January 18 - August 17, 2015) Results (goals copied from the first entry on this blog)

1. To identify any food sensitivities I may have, which have negatively impacted my health and/or weight. Achieved Honestly, I don't believe I'm particularly "sensitive" to anything (e.g. gluten, dairy) but I do notice I feel better after a few days omitting these things from my diet. It's hard (oh how I love cheese) but honestly, it's worth it. And while I don't feel like I could move mountains (fairly certain the folks on the Internet exaggerate *just a tad*) I do notice it. And that's important to me. It's clear I do best when I avoid excess starches and sugars - I already knew that but this process has just confirmed it again!
2. To lose some weight and improve my skin/ hair/ nails. Achieved 45 pounds in 7 months (Hey...to the day! Cool!) is nothing to sneeze at. True, I wish it was 100 lbs in 6 months, but I'm glad to have made any difference at all, and maybe this way my extra skin won't be so gross (because, well...I'm starting to see some of the really thin "extra" skin in some areas...). Skin and hair are still my skin and hair...my skin's improved slightly from all the water I'm drinking, but hopefully the exercise will be the kick in the pants it needs to really clear up. I have definitely seen improvement in my fingernails; they're not nearly as brittle and peely as before.
3. To give myself a realistic timeframe, and a reference point for future health projects. Achieved Like I said above, 7 months seems like a long time to have only lost 45 lbs, but I am glad to have that as a reference point for how long it takes me to lose significant weight. It's good to no longer expect 100 lbs to fall off me in a month, as nice as it would be to get that kind of instant gratification. ;-) And, the fact that I've made it through all these WholeSomethings without falling off the wagon is HUGE for me. Having a couple of days in between to get my "fix" of whatever sugary thing I've been craving is good, but the real benefit is the sense of pride I have after completing each one. A year ago I would have laughed if someone had suggested I could go 30 whole days without doing ANY one thing. Now I know I can go even longer.

Phase Two (August 23, 2015 - ?) Goals

1. To establish a sustainable, but effective and healthful, exercise regime for myself. The goal isn't necessarily to become a gym bunny who works out every day. But I do need to exercise every day and I think the gym, and the track, are good places to start. I've attempted working out with trainers before and nothing has quite fit. This will be a trial and error process, and while I'm not going to beat myself up for mistakes, every day of a WholeSomething will need to include exercise. Also the FitBit goal is returning to 10K steps per day, and it's not going to be changed again.
2. To drop as close to goal weight as possible. As a person gets closer to their goal, inevitably, the weight loss in pounds becomes slower. But I want to work as hard as I can to get as close as possible before the end of this year. Goal weight is 150 lbs, goal size is 8/10
3. To have no more than 2 Treat Days (and no more than 5 days overall) between WholeSomethings. I think a big part of the slower weight loss was gaining back weight in between periods of loss. Taking it easy in between is fine, but not going crazy, and not taking 2 weeks to eat and drink myself stupid, will help keep momentum going overall.

And...I guess that's it for Phase One! Overall, I'm glad for this progress and motivated to keep going. Sunday begins the first Whole40 of Phase Two (whole eating plus exercise) so prepare yourself for a few self-indulgent whiny entries as I start whipping this body into better shape. ;-)

Thank you for reading.

"Nah, Nah, Honey, I'm Good" (30/30)

Last day of this modified Whole30.

I haven't exercised and don't expect to have lost much weight aside from the initial water/ salt/ sugar weight I put on during the "break" period.

This likely means that simply eating properly isn't going to cause the dramatic weight loss I want, which means what I've already known...that I have to buckle down on exercise.

The coming months are going to be super busy. After we open The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, I go into rehearsals for Evita (which my friend Jennifer will be in; I'm assisting the director). During that period I'll be heading to Portland for my stepbrother's wedding, then on a short Vegas vacation with Panda, then auditions and (hopefully!) rehearsals for A Christmas Carol, then rehearsals for a gig in January I can't quite announce yet. Oh and also I'll be working, and things at work are ramping up.

So, it does seem daunting and overwhelming to figure out a workout schedule that'll produce the results I want during this ridiculously overscheduled time; but, I want this change badly enough that I'll bite the bullet and do it.

Unfortunately it's extremely likely that, with my evening rehearsals and 9-6 work schedule, I'm going to have to forego sleeping in and do my workouts in the early morning. I *hate* doing this, but it's a nice feeling when the workout's already done before breakfast.

Just got to get through today, and tonight's rehearsal. I'll fill y'all in tomorrow with the results.